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Conner's Class
Ramblin Rose

Conner is taking a class and needs to fill out these survey's for it. She dialed the bullpen and Jim answered and said, "Ellison."

"Hey, Ellison." She said, "what do you think of meeting with me at Sullivan's bar after work?"

"What are you up to, Conner?"

"Nothing. I just need to have all of you fill out these survey's for my class. I get extra credit for everyone that fills one out."

"So you want me to ask everyone to meet you there tonight? Is that right?" Jim asked with an evil sound in his voice.

"Yes, Ellison. I need you to ask them all to come. But if you're going to be a prick, then forget it. I'll ask Sandy."

"Oh settle down, Conner. I'll ask them all to meet you there. What time?" Jim asked.

"I'm there now. I'm getting everything ready for this. It's got to be taken seriously. Tell everyone that. If they can't do this without making fun, then don't bother coming." Conner complained.

"Jesus, Conner. You want us to come and to be serious? Get a grip. We'll be there when we get off."

"Thanks, Jim. Talk to you later." Hanging the phone up, she smiled at how this was going to be a kick ass assignment. The guys just didn't know it yet.

Jim got off the telephone and called Blair, Joel, Simon, Brian and Henry into the room. "Can I have everyone's attention?" Jim asked loudly.

"What?" Simon asked just as loud.

"Conner needs us for a class project. I think that we should show our support." Jim said smiling.

Blair walked over and touched Jim's forehead to see if he had a temperature. "No fever," he reported.

When they all got to Sullivan's Pub, Conner had paper's all set for everyone.

Rafe said, "Shit, I'm not answering these questions. These are personal."

"Well, it's a class on how people react to things said and done to them. So I need to do this or I'll flunk the course. Please?"

There are a bunch of questions on this and I need you to answer these as truthfully as you possibly can. And thanks again for coming and showing your support." Conner said.

As all of the men started looking over the paper, she added, "Oh, and these are things you need to tell me if you've ever said them, or ever had them said to you. Got it?"

"Do we look stupid, Conner?" Simon said.

"Ready?" Conner asked. "Let's begin."

But everybody looks funny naked!
Brown: I've never said this, like this would get you to any base at all. Don't know if it's ever been said about me.
Rafe: Never said it. Never had it said about me.
Joel: Does it count if I've ever said, I don't look that great naked?
Simon: Joel, we could all live without thinking about that. I've never said it or had it said about me.
Jim: I've never said this, that I remember anyhow. And to my knowledge, it's not been said about me.
Blair: Well, does it count if we thought it?

All of the guys and Conner looked at Blair oddly, then they looked over at Jim. Blair saw this and said, "No, I don't mean I say it to Jim. I just meant in general.
Conner: I think we should move on to the next one.


You woke me up for that?
Brown: Nope, if they said this I'd kick their ass.
Rafe: I had someone complain to me once, do I have to say who and what was said?
Joel: No, I've never had it said about me either.
Simon: I don't understand the question. Wake you up for sex? Is that what they're asking? Conner stop laughing. Am I close?
Jim: No, no one has said that lately.
Blair: No one had better be saying that to you lately, or I'll kick 'your' ass.

Conner: Next one is up.

Did I mention the video camera?
Brown: Shit, no! I would never do anything that sleazy.
Rafe: Why do you think that's sleazy?
Brown: Shit, Rafe, please tell me you don't videotape your sexual conquests.
Rafe: All right, I won't tell you.
Joel: I don't even let anyone near me with a camera if I have my shirt off.
Simon: Again, Joel, we don't need that visual in our heads.
Jim: Hey, Joel, don't worry, I've felt that way from time to time.
Blair: You want to take pictures of Joel with his shirt off?
Jim: Fuck you, Sandburg.
Blair: Later, Jim. Not here.
Simon: Are we going to get on with this or what?

Conner: I've never seen such goofy men in my life. Just answer the damn questions or we'll be here all damn night long.


(in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
Brown: Nope, never have done it in a closet. Guess that would be for the gay guys.
Rafe: Good one, Brown. Hey, Jim, you guys ever done it in the closet?
Jim: As a matter of fact, there aren't many places we don't do it, shit head.
Blair: Jim, calm down. No, we've never done it in the closet... yet.
Simon: Joel, what do you think about this one?
Joel: I've done it in a closet once. When I was younger. Now I might have a harder time. I need more room to move around.
Jim: All right, now what do you have to say to that Brown?
Brown: Joel, was it a guy?
Joel: No, it was a woman.
Rafe: Well, so much for that theory.
Jim: Simon, you never said yes or no.
Simon: Yes, I've done it in a closet.

Conner: Gentlemen. I don't want you to think I don't appreciate all of this but I think what they wondered is, did you ever say, "How about doing it in the closet?"

Brown: Hell I've asked, they just wouldn't do it.
Rafe: Yeah, same here.
Simon: I give up. You mean to say I didn't have to admit to anything before now?
Jim: But, Simon, it's nice to know that our boss not only asked but also got his way in a closet.
Simon: Shut up, Jim.
Jim: Yes, sir.
Blair: Does it count if you're thinking about asking someone?
Jim: You had better be talking about me.
Blair: Get a grip, Ellison. Of course, it was going to be you.
Joel: I might think about it, too.

Conner: Okay, so we all found out that, you don't have to be gay to want to have sex in the closet. That's a good thing. Jim, now they can't tease you about this. Next question, okay? Have you ever said this?

Try breathing through your nose.
Brown: Hell, I've wanted to say that many times, but no, I've never said it.
Rafe: No, I've never thought to ask that. If they can't breathe right, you're not doing it right.
Brown: Are you saying I don't know how to do it right?
Rafe: Henry, of course I'm not saying that. I have no idea if you do it right.
Simon: Gentlemen, you're supposed to answer the fucking question and move on. My answer is, no, I've never said that.
Joel: I would never think of saying that.
Jim: Actually, I think I have said it.
Blair: Yes, you have.
Simon: All right, that's too fucking much information. We don't want to hear about everyone's sex life.
Jim: For your information, Simon, Blair and I weren't having sex. He was in pain once and I told him to do that.
Blair: And if you believe that, I have some swamp land to sell cheap.
Joel: Good one, Sandburg.
Blair: Thanks, Joel. He did ask me to do that one night.
Simon: Sandburg. Please.

Conner: Okay, guys, we're just speeding right along, aren't we? Next question is have you ever said this when getting caught up in the moment?

A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
Brown: Shit, I bet Ellison says this to Hairboy all the time.
Rafe: Good one, Henry.
Jim: How the fuck would you know what we say or don't say to each other?
Blair: Jim, they're kidding. Get a grip.
Simon: Ellison, it was a joke.
Joel: I have to agree with Jim. I don't think it was a nice thing to say.
Jim: Thanks, Joel. I knew I could count on someone to agree with me. Too bad it wasn't the person I thought would.
Blair: Ellison, get a sense of humor.

Conner: Moving on to the next one, have any of you ever said this or asked this of anyone?

Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
Brown: Never.
Rafe: Me, either.
Joel: That makes three of us.
Simon: Wow, we're agreeing on something?
Jim: Never. (still pouting from the last question.)
Blair: Nope.

Conner: Okay, how about this one?

Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?

Brown: I heard Ellison say that to Hairboy the other day when they were in the restroom.
Jim: Fuck you, Brown. I'm going to kick the shit out of you if you don't knock it off with the slutty gay jokes.
Brown: Ooohhhh, I'm really scared.
Rafe: I seem to have heard it once from Ellison in interrogation room 3.
Jim: Fuck you, too, Rafe.
Rafe: Not in this life time, Ellison.
Simon: Gentlemen, do I have to put you in separate rooms for this?
Joel: Brown and Rafe, you owe Jim an apology.
Blair: Wait a minute! What about me?
Jim: Face it, Sandburg, you're laughing about all of it. None of this bothers you anyhow.
Blair: You're going to get it later.
Simon: We don't want to hear this.
Blair: Simon, I was talking about kicking his ass.
Simon: Oh.
Jim: Where's it written that since you all found out we're gay you can make jokes at our expense?
Brown: We don't do it to Sandburg. He has a sense of humor.
Rafe: Yeah, what Henry said.
Jim: Fuck both of you.
Brown and Rafe: Not a chance.


Conner: Okay, guys. Settle down. This is going really well. This tells me a lot about all of your personalities. Now have any of you said this next one?

But whipped cream makes me break out.

Joel: I get to answer this one. I have said this one. Except I said it wasn't on my new diet.
Brown: Who was it with?
Rafe: Yeah, big man, spill.
Jim: I think that's no one's business.
Blair: Yeah, I've said this.
Jim: Who have you said this to?
Blair: Jim, I did have a life before you, ya know?
Simon: I've never said it. Never heard of anyone saying it. I'm learning a great deal here today. I think you're all warped.
Blair: So Brown and Rafe, you never answered.
Rafe: Nope, never said it.
Brown: Nope, never said it, either.

Conner: Wow, that one went well. Now have any of you asked this next one? And second part, has anyone ever answered the second part like this?


Person 1: This is your first time..right? Person 2: Yeah.. today

Brown: Nope, I've never asked that. So, the second part would be no, too.
Rafe: Yeah, I've asked it, but she just said, no.
Blair: Oh Rafe, were you disappointed?
Rafe: Shut up, Sandburg.
Jim: Don't tell him to shut up. He has as much right to talk as you do, if not more. At least, what he says makes sense.
Blair: Jim, I don't need you sticking up for me.
Simon: Jim, answer the question.
Jim: Yes, I've asked it.
Simon: And the second part?
Jim: Geeze, I think this survey's stupid. The person said yes.
Joel: Oh that's so sweet, Jim. I like that you shared that with us.
Rafe: I don't. Holy shit! Sandburg was a virgin.
Blair: He wasn't talking about me.
Brown: Yeah, right.
Rafe: Now, Ellison, did they mean, yes, they were a virgin, or yeah, today?
Brown: Oh, good one, Rafe.
Jim: Assholes.
Rafe: Speaking of assholes...
Jim: Fuck you, Rafe.
Rafe: I told you no way. Simon, are you listening to him threaten me?
Simon: Rafe, if I was him, I'd kill you and bury the body.
Rafe: Thanks, sir.
Brown: Hairboy, what about you?
Blair: Yeah, I've asked it. They didn't say, yeah, today, but they did say yeah.
Joel: Blair, that's so sweet.
Blair: What about you, Joel?
Joel: I've never asked it. Sorry.

Conner: Well, that went well. Now have any of you asked this next one?

Wanna meet in the No Tell Motel? Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!

Brown: Oh yeah, I've said this one.
Jim: You would. You're such an ass.
Rafe: Oh, like you've never said this, Ellison.
Jim: I haven't.
Joel: I haven't either, Jim.
Jim: I wouldn't have believed it of you, either, Joel.
Simon: I might have asked it a few times when I was young.
Blair: I've asked it many times.
Jim: Sandburg, why don't you just tell them what a slut you were.
Blair: Are, Jim. Are.
Rafe: Woo hoo, Sandburg, something you want to share with us.
Blair: Fuck you, Rafe.

Conner: We're getting off the subject again, fellas. Let's try to stay focused so we can all go home. How about this next one?

Can you please pass me the remote control?

Brown: Nope, never said that one.
Rafe: Hell, I don't even know where my remote is.
Joel: I would never choose a remote over a good woman.
Simon: I might have.
Jim: I really don't think I've said this one. Chief, stop laughing.
Blair: Jim, you say this all the time.
Rafe: How about you, Sandburg?
Blair: Nope, I've never thought about the remote control during or after sex.
Brown: Oh shit, is that what the question meant. Well, then, yeah, I've said that a few times.
Rafe: Me, too.
Simon: Me, too.
Joel: I still haven't.
Jim: I guess I have.
Blair: You had better own up to it.
Rafe: You're so whipped, Ellison.
Brown: We know who takes over the remote control in your house.
Jim: Fuck you both.
Rafe and Brown: Not a chance.

Conner: Okay, let's move on to the next one.

Have you ever fallen asleep during sex?

Brown: Never.
Rafe: Never.
Joel: Once.
Simon: A few times. Hey, I was on double shifts and I was tired.
Jim: No.
Blair: Yes.
Rafe: With Jim?
Brown: Oh, do tell, Sandburg.
Jim: Again, like he's going to tell you anything.
Blair: Well one night, I was pulling an all nighter at the U and...
Jim: Shut up, Sandburg.
Blair: Hey, it wasn't even you.
Jim: Shut up, Sandburg.
Blair: What? Conner, what did I say?
Conner: Chances are he doesn't want to hear about your former love life. Would that be it, Jim?
Jim: Yes, that would be it, Conner. Thank you for understanding.
Rafe: Man, you are such a wuss puss.
Brown: Meow. Meow.
Simon: Jim, sit back down and finish this. Jesus, I feel like a high school teacher called in to stop a fight.


Conner: How about this next one? Anyone ever said this?

On second thought, let's turn off the lights.

Brown: I said this once but in my defense... I was drunk.
Jim: You would, Brown.
Rafe: Hey, what do you mean by that, Ellison?
Jim: I've never said it. I've never even thought it.
Blair: I might have thought it but never said it. What? Jim quit giving me those looks.
Joel: I've never said it or thought it.
Simon: I've never said it, either. I might have thought it once. Just once. And I can't blame drinking.
Brown: Do you suppose that any women would have thought this about us?
Rafe: Nah.
Jim: Maybe, who knows?
Joel: Conner, you're a woman, what do you think?
Conner: Well, thank you for noticing, Joel. Yes, there have been a few times when I was first in a relationship that I wanted to not look at the man's best friend.
Jim: Your date brought a friend?
Blair: She's talking about his cock, Jim.
Jim: Oh.
Rafe: Women don't want to look at it?
Conner: No, that isn't what I said. When it's the first time, it's weird. You don't want it staring at you.
Blair: Well, I know that when I first slept with J... Ow, Jim. That hurt.
Jim: I'll fucking show you pain if you don't shut up now.
Blair: I was talking about someone else.
Jim: Shut up, Sandburg.
Blair: Okay, will do.
Rafe: Oh shit, Sandburg's pussy whipped, too.
Conner: I really hate that saying, Rafe.
Rafe: Who cares, Conner?
Brown: Yeah, Conner, why're you in this anyhow?

Conner: Okay, guys, calm down and let's move on. Have any of you said this one?

And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!

Brown: Yeah, once, I did say this. Really, I did. She slapped me and left. Man, that sucked.
Rafe: Nope, I've never said that. I was smarter than you, Henry.
Brown: Shut up, Rafe.
Joel: No, I never would have said that.
Simon: I wouldn't have said it either. I might have thought it once on a double date but I never said it.
Joel: Hell, I never even thought it.
Blair: Joel, sometimes you're just too sweet. You know?
Jim: Sandburg? Like that's a bad thing?
Blair: Shove it, Jim.
Jim: You wish. But believe me, you're not going to see any shoving for a really long time.
Blair: Like I care.
Simon: Okay, this isn't supposed to piss everyone off. This is supposed to be helping Conner.

Conner: Sir, it's helping. These are all helping with this survey. We'll move to the next one and try to get this over with. Has anyone ever used this lame come on line?

So much for mouth-to-mouth.

Brown: Nope.
Rafe: Nope.
Joel: Never.
Simon: I see one that we might all agree on? I never have, either.
Jim: Nope.
Blair: Well, actually, I did use this once in college. Hey, stop staring. I was young. Shit, I was probably only 17 or 18. I was a kid. Give me a break.
Jim: I'll show you a break.
Blair: Oh shut up. You know you'd never hurt me. Well, unless I really want it.
Simon: Way too much information.
Jim: Sandburg, what the hell're you doing?
Blair: I was kidding with them, Jim. As in a joke. See, Brown and Rafe are laughing. They have what's called a sense of humor. Theirs wasn't removed.
Jim: You're treading on thin ice, Sandburg.
Blair: :0~~~
Jim: Well, that was attractive, Sandburg.

Conner: Okay, anyone willing to move on? Right, I figured you would want to. Here we go. Has anyone ever said this?

Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...

Brown: I never said it but I did think it.
Rafe: Same here.
Jim: Why would you all sleep with someone you weren't attracted to?
Blair: Because sometimes when you're drunk you lose sight of what's important.
Jim: Well, that makes me feel a whole lot better about us, Sandburg.
Blair: Jim, this is a fucking survey. Calm down. Don't get so upset.
Jim: Fuck you, Sandburg. Upset's something little old ladies do.
Conner: Jim, that was uncalled for.
Jim: Sorry, Conner. I forgot you were old.
Conner: Fuck you, Ellison.
Jim: On a good day... you wish.
Simon: Okay, let's get this back on track. You're all driving me insane.
Joel: I've never said or thought that.
Rafe: Geeze, Joel, what a boyscout.
Joel: Well, fuck you, Rafe.
Brown: Man, this is getting better than WWF.
Jim: I'll show you, WWF.
Simon: Jim, sit back down and shut up. Conner, get this show on the road.

Conner: Well, this is going rather smoothly, wouldn't you say, men? Who's ever asked this of a date or loved one?

Do you get any premium movie channels?

Brown: I don't see anything wrong with this one?
Rafe: I think Conner means during sex or right after sex, Brown.
Brown: So?
Joel: No, I've never asked this.
Simon: I might have.
Jim: I might have.
Blair: You have.
Jim: Shut up, Sandburg.
Blair: The truth hurts, don't it?
Conner: All right you two. Sit further apart and stop fighting. This is supposed to help my studies. Now, let's move on to the next one.


Conner: Have you ever asked a partner to use something from the kitchen? Like peanut butter? Something like that?

Brown: Yup. I ask, they won't.
Rafe: I've talked a few people into using things.
Joel: Yes, I've done this. What? Why's everyone staring at me?
Simon: No, I never have.
Jim: Yeah, I have.
Brown: Sandburg, spill, what did you use?
Rafe: Come on, Hairboy, you know you want to share. We can see how pissed off you are at him.
Jim: Blair, don't you dare.
Blair: I wasn't going to tell them anything about your fettish for chocolate sauce. So don't worry.
Jim: Sandburg...
Blair: What???

Conner: Guys, we're getting close to the end. So let's finish. Have any of you guys said this to your partner, lover or whatever?

But I just brushed my teeth...

Brown: I might have.
Rafe: I don't even get this one.
Brown: You know how they like to be eaten out? Well, sometimes I don't feel like it so I say, I just brushed my teeth.
Conner: You're disgusting, Brown.
Rafe: Man, I never thought of that. And this works.
Joel: Well, I've never used that line because I like to do it.
Simon: You would, Joel.
Joel: Simon, you don't care to do that to a woman?
Simon: When I feel like it, maybe.
Jim: I've never said it.
Blair: No, we say, man, I need to brush my teeth now.
Simon: Oh for Christ's sake. That's way more than I wanted to know about anything.
Jim: Chief, shut up.
Blair: It's a joke, Jim. Again, get that stick out of your ass.
Jim: It's going to be the only thing in my ass for a good long time.
Brown: I told you, Rafe. I knew he was a bottom boy.
Rafe: I never would have believed it.
Simon: Could we please move on? I'm nauseous!

Conner: Okay, this is one that you all might find amusing. Well, except for Jim. He doesn't have a sense of humor.

I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!

Brown: Hell, I've said this many times.
Rafe: Me, too.
Joel: Me, too. What?
Simon: I've never said this.
Jim: I've said it once or twice.
Blair: Hey, don't look at me. He must be locking someone else up in his off time.
Jim: Fuck you, Sandburg.
Blair: Not a chance, Ellison.


Conner: Have you ever said this one. Or has your partner ever said this?

I want a baby!

Brown: Shit, no!
Rafe: Thank god, no.
Joel: Yeah, I've been asked.
Simon: I was asked and gave at the office.
Joel: Cute, Simon.
Simon: Well, he was conceived at the office.
Blair: Yeah, I've asked. Is it written somewhere that the guy can't ask.
Jim: Yes, it's been asked. I never said it.
Brown: So what'd you tell him, Ellison?
Jim: None of your business.


Conner: Have you ever said this aloud and meant it? Or have you only thought it? Or have you never thought or said it?

So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!

Brown: I've never said it but did think it a couple of times.
Rafe: I've never really said it.
Brown: But did you think about it?
Rafe: I don't think so, Brown.
Joel: I've never thought it or said it.
Simon: I'm a smart man, I've never said it. But I might have thought it a few times.
Jim: I've never said or thought it.
Blair: I thought it once and meant it. I mean, I really meant it.
Brown: Man, Ellison's going to cry.
Rafe: Want a Kleenex, Ellison?
Simon: Sandburg, that was a nice thing to say.
Joel: Now that's the Blair and Jim we know and love.
Jim: I love you, Chief.
Blair: I love you, too.
Simon: God, let's get this over with. They're getting those sappy looks on their faces again. Geeze.

Conner: Who's ever said this?

When's this supposed to feel good?

Brown: I've never said this. I know when it feels good. And I make my lady friends feel good too.
Conner: If I was dating you, and you called me a lady friend, I'd never feel good.
Brown: Shut up, Conner. You're not supposed to be saying anything.
Rafe: I've never said this either.
Joel: I haven't either.
Simon: Okay, so far so good.
Jim: I've never said this.
Blair: I might have said it a few times.
Simon: Oh Jesus, Sandburg, couldn't you have just left this one alone?
Jim: Sir?
Simon: He's talking about you, Ellison.
Jim: You wondered when it would feel good?
Blair: Well, at first. You know.
Jim: Why didn't you say anything.
Brown: I'm gagging here, Ellison. Do you want to shut up now?
Jim: Brown, you shut up.
Simon: You both shut up. Conner, come on.

Conner: Have you ever asked this? And if you did, what was the reaction.

You're good enough to do this for a living!

Brown: Do I look stupid?
Jim: As a matter of fact.
Brown: Fuck you, Ellison.
Jim: You wish.
Brown: Gross.
Rafe: I've never asked this.
Joel: I haven't either.
Simon: Good, this is going smoothly. I've never said it either.
Blair: Nope, never said it. Thought it though.
Rafe: Sandburg, shut up. Don't even go there.
Jim: I've never said it.


Conner: Okay, this is an important one. How many of you have asked this question, or had it asked of you?

Is that blood on the headboard?

Brown: I don't even get this one.
Rafe: I think maybe from pounding them into the headboard causing a crack in the head? I'm not sure. Let's ask Ellison. He probably knows all about blood on the headboard.
Jim: Shut up.
Blair: That's enough, Rafe. No, we've never asked that.
Simon: Thank God.
Blair: I mean, why would we ask, we'd already know, wouldn't we?
Simon: Shit, I knew it was going too easily on this one.
Joel: I've never asked this.
Jim: Chief, that's enough.
Blair: Yes, Tarzan.

Conner: Have you ever had a woman ask this?

Did I remember to take my pill?

Brown: Yes, and I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
Rafe: Never, thank god.
Jim: Yeah, I've had it asked.
Blair: Lately?
Jim: Shut up, Sandburg.
Blair: You shut up.
Joel: Is this like foreplay?
Simon: Joel, don't encourage them.
Blair: Yeah, I've had a few women ask that.


Conner: Have any of you ever asked this one.

I wish we got the Playboy channel...

Brown: Well, shit, we know what Jim and Blair are going to say.
Jim: Yes, I have asked this.
Brown: No shit?
Blair: When?
Jim: Never mind.
Blair: You have not. You're just saying that. You don't want your pals to think you're less of a man.
Jim: Shut up, Sandburg.
Blair: Make me.
Simon: All right you two. Sit down, Jim.
Joel: I've never said this.
Simon: Neither have I.
Blair: I've never even thought it. I was always too busy.
Jim: Fuck you, Sandburg.
Simon: Hush, Ellison. He's entitled to his opinion, just as you are.

Conner: Has anyone ever asked this one?

I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!

Brown: Shit another one with Blair written all over it. I could just see him trying anything once.
Rafe: Me, too.
Jim: When did this become let's discuss Jim and Blair's sex life?
Simon: Don't let them bother you, Jim.
Joel: I've never asked it.
Jim: I've never thought it or asked it.
Blair: I think he doth protest too much.
Simon: Sandburg, if you know what's good for you, you'll shut that big mouth of yours. I'd hate to have to arrest Jim.

Conner: Have you ever had a partner or lover say this to you? Or have you ever thought of saying it to them?

No, really... I do this part better myself!

Brown: No, never.
Rafe: Nope.
Joel: No, not that I remember.
Simon: No.
Jim: No.
Blair: A few times.
Brown: Spill.
Rafe: Come on, Sandburg, what are you talking about?
Blair: Conner, go on with the next one.
Jim: Chief, is this meant towards me?
Blair: I knew you'd think it was about you. Everything's always about you.
Simon: Conner?

Conner: Have you ever said or thought this to yourself?

It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!

Brown: No.
Rafe: No.
Joel: I don't think so.
Brown: Well, you either have or you haven't, Joel.
Joel: I don't think I have.
Brown: He has.
Rafe: Yup, he's thought it.
Jim: I've never said it or thought it.
Blair: I think that all the time.
Simon: I've never said it or thought it.
Brown: What do you mean, Sandburg?
Blair: I just think that sometimes.

Conner: Have you ever said or thought this?

This would be more fun with a few more people...

Brown: Hell, yes!
Rafe: Thought it, many times.
Joel: No, never have.
Simon: Thought it.
Jim: Never even thought about it.
Blair: I can't even handle the one I have.
Simon: Sandburg.
Blair: What?
Joel: Well, I think it was sweet.

Conner: Have you ever said or thought this?

You're almost as good as my ex!

Brown: Nope.
Rafe: I'm not stupid, man.
Joel: No.
Simon: I thought it once when I wasn't over Joan.
Joel: Simon, that's sweet.
Simon: Shut up, Joel. I can't believe I just said that.
Jim: I've never thought it or said it.
Rafe: You're such a boyscout, too, Ellison. You and Joel ought to be the couple.
Blair: Hey, I've never thought of it either.


Conner: Have you ever said this to the person you were with?

Perhaps you're just out of practice.

Brown: A few times.
Rafe: Yeah, a couple of times.
Joel: I can't believe you would say that to someone.
Simon: I can't either, Joel.
Jim: I would never say that. It would be a major lie.
Blair: Man, that was so nice. Thanks.
Rafe: Ellison, you're such a wuss.
Blair: Shut the fuck up, Rafe or I'll tell everyone what happened two weeks ago.
Simon: What happened?
Blair: No, I'll wait and see if he shuts up.
Rafe: Fine, you blackmailer.
Jim: What's he talking about, Chief?
Blair: Nothing bad, Jim. Don't worry.


Conner: Have you ever said or thought this?

Now I know why he/she dumped you...

Brown: Hell, yes!
Rafe: Maybe.
Joel: Never.
Simon: Not really.
Jim: I've wondered this many times over the years.
Blair: You really wondered why someone dumped the person you were with?
Jim: No, I wondered how come they could dump you.
Blair: Man, you're such a fucking romantic. I love that in a man.
Joel: Who said romance was dead.
Brown: I wish it was. Geeze, Ellison, you give us all a bad name.
Jim: Suck it up, Brown.


Conner: Have you ever said or thought this?

You give me reason to conclude that foreplay's overrated.

Brown: I might have.
Rafe: I don't think so.
Joel: Never.
Simon: I don't think so.
Jim: I would never have a reason to say this.
Blair: Neither would I.
Conner: You two are too cute for words.
Blair: Shut up, Conner.


Conner: Have you ever said or thought this of any date you've been on. Whether it be for friendship or love.

And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!

Brown: No, never said this.
Rafe: Me, either.
Joel: Nope.
Simon: No.
Jim: never.
Blair: Never.


Conner: Have you ever asked this of a person on the first date?

What are you planning to make for breakfast?

Brown: Yeah, a few times.
Rafe: All the time.
Joel: I would never think to ask that.
Simon: No, I wouldn't ask it either.
Jim: I wouldn't ask it.
Blair: I did ask it.
Jim: Oh yeah.
Blair: You remember, eh?
Jim: How could I forget. Our first night. It was something to remember.
Simon: As much as we'd love to stroll down memory lane with you two; we have things to do here. So shut up.

Conner: Have you ever asked this of your date or lover?

Were you, by any chance, repressed as a child?

Brown: No, but boy does this sound like Jim or what?
Rafe: It does, doesn't it?
Blair: Rafe, do I need to tell everyone?
Rafe: I was joking.
Jim: I want to know what the hell he said that you're holding over his head now.
Blair: It's not a big deal. Just something a little embarrassing.
Jim: Then it's no problem to tell us.
Blair: Let me make him sweat it out a little more.
Simon: This does sound like you, Jim.
Jim: Why? Does everyone know I'm repressed?
Conner: DUH.
Jim: Conner, you're the moderator. You're not supposed to be in this at all.
Blair: Jim might be repressed but it has nothing to do with sex.

Conner: Have you ever said this to a woman, or SO?

I really hate women who actually think sex means something!

Brown: I might have.
Rafe: I don't think so.
Joel: No, I never have.
Simon: I've never said it.
Jim: I think this way so I would never say it.
Joel: I think that way too, Jim.
Brown: You're giving us way too much ammo, Joel.
Jim: Stop picking on Joel.
Joel: It's okay. I know they're joking.
Simon: I've never said this.
Blair: I've never said this and I totally agree with Jim and Joel.

Conner: Have you ever asked this?

Did you come yet, dear?

Brown: Yeah, I've asked a few times.
Rafe: No, never have.
Joel: No. Never needed to.
Simon: All right, Joel. I've never needed to, either.
Jim: I know when he comes.
Simon: Ellison.
Jim: What? It's not like he could fake it.
Blair: Why would I want to when the real thing's so easy and fun.
Brown: Did anyone bring their boots? It's getting deep in here.

Conner: Have you ever asked this and what was the response?

I'll tell you who I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about...

Brown: I know better.
Rafe: Nope, never asked. I was afraid it wouldn't be me.
Joel: I've never even thought about it.
Simon: I've never thought about it, either.
Jim: I tell him all the time and he tells me.
Blair: Yup, that's the truth.
Conner: You guys are so cute.

Conner: Have you ever asked or wondered this?

Does this count as a date?

Brown: Asked and wondered.
Rafe: Wondered.
Joel: Neither.
Simon: Thought it.
Jim: Never worry about it.
Blair: Me, either.
Conner: Oh man, they're so married.
Joel: And it's a nice thing, too.
Simon: Are we almost done, Conner?

Conner: Have you ever tried or thought this?

I think biting's romantic- don't you?

Brown: Man, that's something new to think about. I'm thinking of it now.
Joel: Why?
Brown: Something new.
Joel: I guess I'm just old fashioned.
Jim: It can be fun, Joel, with the right person.
Blair: I'll tell ya later, Joel.
Simon: Geeze, is this ever going to end. And no, I've never wanted to bite someone.
Rafe: I'm thinking about it now too. Hey, Sandburg, you going to tell me, too?
Jim: Not a chance, Rafe.

Conner: Have you ever thought or been close to saying it?

Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names.

Brown: Man, does this sound like a Sandburg one or what?
Rafe: Yup, this has Sandburg written all over it.
Joel: He didn't date that much.
Simon: How much's much?
Jim: Well, it doesn't matter. He doesn't date anymore. Unless you count me.
Blair: Of course you count.
Jim: Good.
Conner: God, I wish I had a tape recorder so you could listen to each other later. You're so cute.
Jim: Conner? Are we done?
Blair: Yeah, hurry it up. I want to go home.

Conner: Have you ever thought or asked this of a partner?

You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!

Brown: Thought about it.
Joel: Thought about it once.
Simon: Thought about it a few times.
Rafe: Never really thought about it.
Jim: Thought about it a few times. And before you give me the look, Chief, I mean before us.
Blair: I never thought it. And I really don't think it now.

Conner: Have you asked this of your partner?

Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!

Brown: No. I would never have enough nerve.
Joel: Yes, I've asked.
Brown: You're kidding. What did she say?
Joel: Yes.
Brown: Man, you've gone in the back way? I've never even asked.
Joel: It's very pleasurable.
Rafe: I think it's gross.
Simon: I've asked but she said no.
Jim: I've asked and they said no but he said yes.
Simon: Geeze, we don't want to hear about it.
Jim: Wait a minute. You didn't say anything when Joel was talking about it. Now you think it's gross or something?
Simon: Give us a chance to get used to you guys being gay.
Jim: We're still the same guys.
Simon: Except that now you fuck each other. That's new, right? I mean, you weren't doing that before, right?
Jim: Simon, why're you being such an asshole?
Simon: Sorry. I'm just tired. Is this thing ever going to end?
Blair: I've asked, they said yes, and I asked and he said, "Hell yes!"

Conner: Has anyone ever said this to you, after your performance?

So that's why they call you MR. Flash!

Brown: No, never.
Jim: Like you'd admit it.
Brown: Well, how about you, Ellison?
Jim: No, me, either.
Blair: Me, either.
Simon: Nope.
Joel: Never.
Rafe: Maybe once.
Brown: Why would you admit that.
Rafe: Shit, I got caught up in the moment.


Conner: Have you ever said this to your lover?

My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!

Brown: Do I look stupid?
Rafe: Nope.
Joel: Nope.
Simon: Never.
Jim: Nope.
Blair: Well, remember that night I told you that you went longer than anyone else? Does that count?
Jim: Chief? Why did you just say that?
Blair: Sorry, got caught up in the moment, also. Sorry, Jim.
Rafe: Well, Jim, at least he didn't say you came too soon.
Jim: There is that.

Conner: Have you ever asked or thought this?

How long do you plan to be "almost there"?

Brown: Hell, yes! I've wondered this many times.
Rafe: Me, too.
Simon: I've never really worried about it.
Joel: Me, either.
Jim: I like when he's almost there. I like to drag it out.
Simon: Ellison?
Jim: What?
Simon: Please.
Blair: He does do that and I have to say, it's great.

Conner: Well, guys, we're well and truly done. Thank you so much for taking part in part of my test. I'll let you know what you guys all scored when I'm done figuring it out.

Simon: What do you mean, scores? I hate being held up against someone else like that. You should have told us before hand.

Conner: I'm sorry, sir. I thought you would figure that out on your own since I was taking notes and all.

Jim: It's okay with us, Conner.

Blair: Yeah, who cares. It was a pretty cool survey.

Rafe: You would say that.

Jim: Shut up, Rafe.

Rafe: Shut up, Ellison.

Joel: Okay, you two. You're like little children. I'll have to separate you next. It's fine with me, too, Conner.

Rafe: Well, I guess it's okay with me, too.

Conner: Thanks, guys. Talk to you tomorrow.

Jim: Conner, please don't put all those childish things I said to Blair in there. I love him so much and sometimes I'm not the most mature person in the world.

Conner: Don't worry, Ellison. You passed with flying colors. Go home and show him how much you love him.

Jim: Why doesn't it bother you to think about me and Blair together?

Conner: Because women love the idea of you and Blair together.

Jim: Night, Conner. Drive carefully.

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