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Me, Myself and Jim
Ramblin Rose



Jim woke up with one thought on his mind. * Okay, Ellison, today's the day. Today is the day you're going to talk to Blair about being in love with him. This can't keep on like this. Yep, you're going to open yourself up to him today and see what happens. What's the worst thing that can happen, huh? He could move out, DUH. * Jim slapped himself on the forehead and walked down the stairs to the bathroom.

After showers and breakfast, Jim and Blair left to go to the station. On the way, Jim said, "Chief, what would you think if someone you worked with asked you out?"

"Someone from work asked you out?" Blair asked with a shocked look on his face.

"No, I'm just asking what you would do."

"Well, Jim, I guess I'd think about how it would affect my work. If that wasn't a problem, then why not?"

"So, if it didn't interfere with our work, you'd maybe think about something like that?"

"Jim, I just said that." Blair said looking at his partner as if he'd lost the last bit of sense he had.

"What would you do if someone from work..."

"All right, what's this about? Who asked you out?"

"Let me finish this and then I'll tell you. If someone from work asked you out, and they were the same sex, would you consider it? Even if you'd never been interested before. Would you give them a chance or would you just say no?"

"Jesus, Jim. No easy questions from you today. Okay, first of all, the gender thing would never bother me because I believe that you can fall in love with anyone."

"So Chief, you know this from experience?"

"No Jim, I don't. I just know that if I liked the person, I might give it a chance before blowing them off."

Blair looked over at Jim and saw him just sitting at the stop light thinking. "Man, the light's green."

"Sorry, I was just thinking."

"I see that. First, you're asking these tough questions, now you're thinking. What in the hell will be next? Total Anarchy?"

"Very funny, Chief."

"So, you said you would tell me who asked you out, once I answered the questions. So spill, tough guy."

"No one asked me out, Sandburg, I was thinking of asking someone else out."

"Oh..."

"Oh? That's all you have to say after all this? Come on, Chief, what do you think about that?"

"Well, if that's what you want to do ask a guy from work out, then do it. Who am I to stop you?" Blair said as he looked out the window and tried not to let his heart beat too fast or hard.

"What's wrong? Chief, why are you upset?"

"Because I'm tired of not being anyone's first choice. Did you ever think about me? Nah, not me. I'm too small, too thin, too everything. But hey, more power to you when you find that right person to ask out."

Jim realized that Blair thought he was going to ask someone else out. "Chief, the person I was going to ask out was you."

"You're kidding? No, you're not kidding. Then why didn't you ask me out? Why the 20 questions?"

"Because I needed to know if I would upset you and you'd move out. Because I could learn to live with the feelings I have for you and just bury them."

"Jim, how do you feel about me?"

"I'm in love with you and I'd like to find out if you could feel the same way about me."

"Oh man, do you know how to start a day off right or what?" Blair said smiling over at Jim. Jim smiled back at him. At the next light, he leaned over and kissed Blair on his lips very quickly and very softly. Blair could tell that Jim was a nervous wreck.

"We've got to pick this up later, that kiss just won't do. I want more." Blair teased.

"You got it, Chief. I'm yours."

"Yes, that you are and do I have to mention that there won't be anyone else in this partnership?" Blair asked arching his eyebrows up in questioning wonder.

"Blair, you'll never have to worry about it, okay? I'm yours and would never belong to anyone else, ever again." Jim said firmly.

"Good, now that's all settled, can we get to work, so I can tell Conner?"

"Chief, I don't know if we want to be broadcasting it the first day, what do you think?"

"Jim, believe me I have to tell her, I've been talking to her about asking you out for about six months."

"Why didn't you?"

"Duh, it's your place, and I hate sleeping on the street."

"Chief, I'm sorry for not having enough nerve to ask you out."

"Well, that makes two of us then. So no harm done, can we hurry now?"

"Chief, try to keep it to just you and Conner until we figure out what the hell we're doing ourselves, all right?" Jim asked.

"Sure, I know how to keep secrets."

When they got to the station, Blair was out of the truck and racing to the elevator. Jim finally called out and said, "Chief?"

"What? Man, I'm sorry, I don't mean to leave you behind. I'm a little excited."

"Well, maybe you could be excited with me in the elevator." Jim said laughing as they stepped into the lift.

Once the door closed, Jim pushed the stop button and kissed Blair with such passion that Blair was left weak in the knees. "What the hell are you doing, Jim? We're at work."

"I know, but I needed to tell you that I loved you and just let you know how much." Jim said smiling down at his partner and his obvious erection, which was dying to get out of his jeans.

"Oh you're so going to pay for this, Jim." Jim pushed the button and the car went up to Major Crime. They got off smiling and Blair had his jacket in front of his pants. Blair felt like a damn teenager. * But what a great feeling. He wasn't going to complain about it. *

Blair took off looking for Megan Conner as Jim went to his desk. Simon stood in his doorway and said, "Ellison, could I see you for a moment?"

Jim walked into Simon's office and said, "What can I do you for, Sir?" Simon saw how happy he was and hated to put a damper on it but felt he should say something about the elevator.

"Well, Jim, there's a small problem with the elevator camera being fixed last night."

"Oh shit. Fuck..." Jim said looking at the floor.

"Jim, I saw the tape first, so no one else saw it. I just wanted to let you know that the damn thing's fixed."

"Simon, you aren't pissed off at us?"

"Jim, you're my best friend, why would I be pissed if you're happy? And you looked pretty damn happy in the video. Want it?"

"Yeah, save it for me. Anything else, Simon?"

"No, get out of here." As Jim left his office Simon smiled to himself and thought, * they're finally figuring out what all of us have known forever. I'm glad that they'll both be happy. Maybe things will calm down with Ellison now. *

Jim walked down the hallway and as he got closer to the break room he heard Blair and Megan talking about them. "Sandy, this is the most exciting thing that has happened around here for ages. Are you saying you can't tell anyone else?"

"Jim wants to test the waters, I think."

"Chief, that's not what I meant at all. I know what the water will be like and I'll be happy in it." Megan smiled at Jim and hugged him and said, "Ellison, you're a big old softie, do you know that? Congratulations to both of you. I'm really happy for you."

"Don't spread it around, Conner, because they think I'm a tough guy."

As Conner and Blair started laughing he said, "What?"

"No one thinks that anymore, Ellison. Not since the AS period." Conner said.

"What the hell is the AS period, sounds weird?" Jim asked.

"After Sandburg, silly." Megan said laughing.

Jim walked to the hallway and turned to Megan and Blair and said, "Something's going on, and we need to get out there now."

They all took off running for the bullpen. There were armed men holding hostages in the bullpen. * I wonder if anyone ever checks these fuckers before they came in the building. Hell no, that would be way too easy. *

Two gunmen came up to Jim, Blair and Conner and said, "Give me your weapons right now."

All three started to go for their weapons. Megan signaled Jim and they went for the guys as Blair was checking out the hostages. Gunman number one's gun went off and it hit Sandburg. Blair went down quickly without making a sound. Megan and Jim got the two men under control. Rafe, Brown and Joel went to Blair's side to see what they could do. That was when Joel saw the bullet had gone into Blair's head. He looked at the other two men and said, "Get the EMT's right away."

Jim realized that something was wrong; he was so wrapped up in this that he hadn't realized that something might have happened to his partner. Then he saw everyone around Blair and Blair wasn't moving. Jim pushed them aside and said, "Blair, wake up for me, please?"

Before thinking Brown said to Conner, "Why did you two hotshots have to do that? They just wanted someone from the lockup; they weren't killers. They would have been caught with all of us here. Now Blair's lying there with a bullet in his head."

"Henry, yelling at Conner isn't going to help anything, so go see if you can find Simon right now." Joel said.

He glanced over at Conner and saw the tears falling down her face and then he looked at Jim and saw the same thing mirrored on Jim's face. This was not a usual sight for Ellison. He'd lost partners before, but he'd never sat on the floor and cried. Joel went down next to Jim and said, "Jim, the EMT's are here. Let's let them do their job." As he pulled Jim away from Blair, Ellison pulled away from Joel and walked into the restroom."

Conner saw Jim head into the restroom and followed close behind, she felt like she needed to be sure he'd be all right. It was bad enough about Blair. She couldn't have Jim hurt too. She walked into the men's room and didn't knock or anything. She knew that Jim wasn't in there for anything except to get away from everyone for a moment. He was leaning against the wall with soft sounds coming out of him and Conner realized that he was crying. She'd never seen him do that and she never wanted to again. She went into his arms and they held on to each other. He straightened up and said, "They're getting ready to transport him to the hospital. I need to go with him. Why don't you come with me?"

They walked out of the room and everything was crazy out there. No wonder Jim had felt the need to go off by himself. Jim started to get on the elevator with the EMT's and they said, "Sorry, Ellison. We have to airlift him, we'll meet you there." Having said that, they pushed Jim out and pushed the close door button. As it closed Jim felt like his heart was being torn out of his chest.

Simon walked up and said, "All right, people. I need to know what happened right now. Before anyone can leave, I have to have a statement from each of you."

Everyone started talking at once except for Jim and Conner. They both stood there staring at the window, as if something was going to come through it to save them.

Simon stared at Jim and saw the tremors going through his body and said, "Okay, Jim want to come to the hospital with me?"

"Yes, Sir, I'd like to. Conner would too." Jim answered.

"Let's get out of here. Joel, please take over for me. Have everyone fill out their reports and bring one up for Jim and Conner. They can fill them out up there



"Simon, don't worry about a thing." Joel said and he patted Jim on the back
and said, "Take good care of the kid for all of us, Jim."

"Thanks, Joel. I'll tell him when he wakes up." Jim said as he left with
Simon and Conner.

The drive to the hospital was quiet. Simon didn't know what to say. There
really wasn't much to say at this point. It would help if they all knew how
Sandburg was and they'd find that out soon enough.

They all got out of the car and walked into the emergency room and the EMT
driver walked over and said, "He coded on us five times, Captain, but we got
him back all five times."

"Thank you," Simon said quietly. The EMT said, "The doctor will be out in
just a little while. They just did a scan of his brain to see what to do.
So you'll all know something shortly."

"Thanks for all your help, Spenser." Jim said not looking at the man.

"No problem, Ellison. He's a good guy and I wouldn't want anything to happen
to him." Spenser said.

Simon, Conner and Ellison all sat down in the waiting room and began the
waiting game. They all hated it, but there was nothing they could do about
it.

After about seven hours, a doctor appeared in the doorway and said,
"Detective Jim Ellison?"

"That's me." Jim stood up looking gray and panic clearly written all over
him.

"Detective, I'm Dr. Jennings. I want to talk to you in private, so follow
me. Are the other people family?"

"Yes, we're all Blair's family." Jim said with tears in his eyes.

They all followed this man into a small office and Dr. Jennings said, "Sit
down everyone."

Everyone sat but Jim, he paced. "Well, the bullet is still in Detective
Sandburg's head. It's not doing any major damage right now, so we're not
going to chance taking it out. It damaged part of his brain when it hit, so
we'll have to see exactly what type of damage we're talking about."

Jim leaned into the wall and they all saw his shoulders shaking and Conner
had tears rolling down her face. Simon stood up and said, "Doctor, do you
think there's a chance that he'll come out of this all right?"

"It would depend on what your idea of all right is. He may have no memory.
He might have half of his memory or he might have complete brain damage."

Jim hugged himself and started silently sobbing. It was breaking Simon's
heart. "Doctor, how long do you think before we know anything?"

"It could be a few days, or it could be months. We just have to be patient.
It's very important to have someone with him at all times to talk to him.
Sometimes this helps a great deal. Even if they don't know who you are, it
helps to hear a voice in the room with them."

"I'll be with him the entire time, Doctor." Jim said as he turned to Simon.
"Simon, I need a leave of absence. I'll be gone for however long it takes to
get Blair back on his feet."

"I'll start the paper work, Jim. Don't worry about it now." Simon said.

"Well, if you're going to stay," the doctor said, "we'll go ahead and put you
in the same room so you can sleep sometimes. You'll have a little privacy."

"Jim, I want to be here with you." Conner said softly.

"He'd like that Conner." Jim said as he pulled her into his arms and she
said, "Jim, I'm so fucking sorry. This is my fault. Always making rash
decisions and nearly killing our Sandy."

"Stop that kind of talk. He'll be fine." Jim said and held her closer.

The doctor led them all to the room where Blair was. It didn't look quite
like Sandburg. His hair was all bloody and matted. He was dirty and Jim
found this most upsetting.

"Doctor, can I wash him up once we're settled in here?" Jim asked.

"As long as you don't touch the IV's, I don't see a problem. Don't touch
the monitors either. Be very careful, but I don't think you need to be
reminded of that."

Simon looked at his two detectives and knew that this was going to be the
hardest thing they'd ever have to deal with. So he needed to get some rest
to come up and help in the morning. "Jim, Conner, I'm going to go and fill
out the reports. I'll see you when I come in the morning for your reports."

"Thanks, Simon." Jim said and Jim shook his hand. Simon pulled him into a hug
and whispered, "He's a fighter, Ellison. He'll be fine. Just let him rest
awhile."

"Thanks, Simon." and Jim turned back to keep vigil on Blair.

Simon hugged Conner and told her to take care of Ellison. Hoping that
between the two of them, they could help each other.

As the evening wore on, Jim was getting sleepy. He leaned his head onto the
side of the railing of Blair's bed and Conner joined him there. She laid her
head next to his and started crying softly. Jim said, "Megan, please don't
do that. I can't lose it now."

But begging didn't work. She continued her sad crying and it broke Jim in
half. He was consumed with guilt and loss and started sobbing along with
her. The doctor walked by and saw them both leaning on the railing crying
and figured that maybe this man had a great chance. He seemed to have great
friends. * For once, maybe I'll have some good news to tell them. *

When Jim woke up in the morning, Conner was lying in his lap. He had moved
the railing down so that he could be closer to Blair. But she had somehow
snuggled in there too. If it wasn't for the circumstances, he would have
smiled at the sight. Then he looked at Blair and saw his eyes open. Jim
jumped up and said, "Conner, Blair's awake."

"Blair was blinking rapidly now. Jim could tell he was scared to death. His
heart was beating way too hard.

"Blair, calm down, we'll get the doctor. Can you hear me?" Jim asked.

And Blair said, "Yes." Very softly, but he still said it. Conner jumped up
and ran for the doctor.

A few moments later the doctor came in and said, "His vitals haven't changed
so we wouldn't have known he was even up until just a moment ago. Did
something scare him?"

"Ask him, he's talking." Jim said smiling.

"Mr. Sandburg, do you know where you are." Dr. Jennings asked.

"No." Blair replied again, soft, but they could hear him.

"Do you know your name?"

"No." Blair answered.

"Do you know these people in this room with you?"

"No." Blair answered and his heartbeat started beating way too hard.

Jim said, "Blair, calm down. It's okay. They said you might not remember.
It's all right. Don't worry. Okay?"

The heart monitor seemed to slow down a little bit and this made the doctor
happier. Turning to the nurses he said, "We need to set up a new MRI and
also more blood work. Then call Dr. Watkins and tell her she's needed."

"Doctor, who is Dr. Watkins?" Jim asked as casually as he could.

The doctor pulled Jim and Conner to the side and said, "She'll be his shrink
in case this is permanent."

"What do you mean, permanent?" Jim asked.

"I told you, Detective, he might have suffered brain damage and memory loss."
The doctor said.

"But, Doctor, he's talking and everything, how can this be?" Conner asked.

"This is very common. It's a brain injury and we have to wait and see what
happens to him as the time goes on. This might take a really long time. I
just want you to be prepared."

"How long is long?" Jim asked.

"I don't know, Detective. Let's just play this by ear." The doctor said as
he walked over to Blair again. "Mr. Sandburg, your entire name is Blair
Jacob Sandburg. So you might want to just say it to yourself a few times to
get used to it. We'll have someone here to help you through all of this."

Very quietly Blair asked the doctor, "Are they my family?"

"No, they are your best friends, if I understand correctly." He answered.

"Well, do they have to be here?"

"Not if you don't want them to be." He answered again.

"Blair," Jim begged, "please, don't make us leave. We'll try not to bother
you, but we have to be around you."

Conner walked over to the bed and she said, "Please, don't make us leave."

"I guess it's okay." Blair said softly not looking at anyone as he said it.
Jim's panic began to die down a little bit. This was going to be tough. Now
they just had to wait it out. When he remembered everything, they could all
go home and begin their life again.

They came in to take Blair down for tests and more tests and the doctor asked
Jim and Conner to wait in the room. As soon as they all left, Conner said,
"Jim, what do you think?"

"I don't know, Conner, I'm not a medical person."

"I mean, he'll remember us all, in time, right?"

"I hope so." Jim said with tears in his eyes. Conner went into Jim's arms
and they both cried quietly for the loss they were feeling already.

They both sat down and waited for them to bring Blair back. The doctor came
walking into the room and said, "They're doing a few more tests on Blair and
Dr. Watkins is talking to him right now. She's very good with memory loss
victims. If anyone can help, she'll do it."

"So what do you think, Doctor?" Jim asked straight out.

"Honestly, Detective, I believe that he's not going to come back to you
whole."

"Call me Jim or Ellison and you don't have a clue as to how stubborn this man
is. He'll be back, I bet you anything."

"Jim, keep in mind that was the old Blair. This is the new Blair. He might
not be joining the old one."

Jim started pacing the room and said, "Well, is there anything you want us to
not say?"

"No, ask him things. Talk to him but don't show your frustration at any time
with him or with his injury."

"We'll be here for him, Doc. Don't you worry about it."


Jim and Megan waited as patiently as they could in the room for Blair to get
back from the tests. It took most of the day. When he got there he went to
sleep and he didn't look at them or speak to them. Jim felt a new kind of
sadness come over him. Megan walked up to Jim and said, "Go home and shower
and change and I'll stay here until you come back. Then once you come back,
it'll be my turn."

"Okay, are you trying to say I smell or something?" Jim asked walking towards
the door. "As a matter of fact, we both do." Megan said back just as quietly
as Jim had spoken.

The drive home was strange to Jim. On one hand he was a mess about leaving
Blair, on the other hand, he was glad to get out of there. This whole thing
was upsetting to say the least. Once home, he got into the shower and
cleaned himself until the water ran cold. He was hoping it would relax him.
It didn't work.

He walked up the stairs to get dressed, looking down at his cock, getting
pissed off that men weren't able to control their sexual desires like women
seemed to be able to do. He was hard and knew that he'd have to do something
or hurt himself getting it shoved into his jeans again. He lay on his bed
and stroked himself with thoughts of Blair. He thought about Blair's mouth
around his cock and came so fast he didn't even feel it sneaking up on him.
It was going to be so nice when he and Blair could start a relationship
together. Jim was going to be really patient, he'd waited a long, long time
for him already and Blair was worth it.

He cleaned himself up, got dressed and then packed his bag for the hospital.
If they didn't want him to stay with Blair, then he'd stay at the hotel
across the street for a few hours a day. But no more than that. Once that
was done, he packed a bag in Blair's room for Blair. In case he wanted to
wear something other than what they give you in the hospital. He packed his
boxers, his tee shirts, his sweats, his robe and his slippers. He even
packed some shoes. Then he packed Blair's backpack with his laptop with
things in it about the Sentinel Project and the police department so that
Blair could study up on both things. Just in case. Once he was finished, he
took everything down to the truck, and was on his way.

The drive to the hospital found a confused Ellison. He was scared about
getting back there. What if Blair didn't want him there during the night?
What if Blair didn't want him around at all? When would he tell Blair that
they were roommates? All of this was very frightening, but it would be all
right. Jim just knew that things would work out. * Give yourself time,
Ellison. He's just getting over this, it's going to take longer than this.
Stop worrying so much about him not wanting you there. *

When Jim got there Conner was sitting outside Blair's room, crying. * Jesus,
what did I do? I left my partner. Fuck... *

"Jim, he doesn't want us in there with him anymore. He asked the doctor to
have us put outside the room at all times." Conner said through her tears.

Jim walked right past here and said, "Hey, Chief, I brought you some things
from home. I knew you'd want to be more comfortable, so here I am."

"I asked the doctor to keep everyone out of my room for awhile because I
don't know you. I'm confused." Blair said so sadly it broke Jim's heart even
more than it was already.

"Okay, that's fine. I can wait till you feel safer and more comfortable with
us. But can I at least show you what I brought?"

"Sure, what's your name again?"

Jim tried not to let Blair see the pained look on his face but it was too
late. "Jim, my name is Jim Ellison." Jim stuck his hand out to shake hands.
They shook hands and Jim leaned down for the two bags that he'd brought for
Blair.

"It's nice to meet you, Jim. My name is supposedly Blair Sandburg although
you keep calling me Chief. Do I want to know why?"

"Yeah, it's no big deal. You're in charge of most things in our life, so
you're the Chief."

"Oh..."

"You're not only my roommate, but you're my partner at work. Nothing else,
Blair."

"Oh..."

"Were you worried about that, Chief?"

"Well, yeah, I got the feeling that we were more than just friends and it
scared the crap out of me."

"We're best friends. You've lived at my place, which is now our place for
over four years."

"So, is it true that I'm a cop? Or I was a cop?"

"Yes, it's true. I brought your laptop with a bunch of Police Department
things to read and I also brought some other things to read when you get to
feeling better."

Jim took the laptop out of the backpack and laid it on the bed for Blair to
look at. Blair just sat there looking at it like it was something he had
never seen before.

"What's wrong, Blair? Do you need me to show you a few things on the laptop?"

"I found out two hours ago that I couldn't read. I'm going to have to learn
all over again. The doctor said I'd have to learn a lot of things."

"Chief, if you want, I can teach you a little bit each day. I don't mind,
really."

"Well, Jim, you can't just hang around the hospital till I'm better."

"Yes, I can. I have a lot of money in savings and I took a leave of absence.
So don't worry about it."

"What else did you bring with you?"

"I brought your favorite sweats, tee shirts, boxers, robe and slippers. In
case you're cold. You get cold easily."

"That makes sense because I'm really cold."

"You want me to help you get some of this stuff on? Or would you like me to
call a nurse?"

"No, you can help me. I better get used to being around you if we live
together, right?"

"Right. Not a problem, Chief."

Jim very patiently helped Blair get dressed and found out that there were
many things that Blair had forgotten. He didn't know which foot was the left
one or the right one. He was getting a little anxious, but Jim calmed him
right down.

For the next month, this is all Jim and Blair did every day. They worked on
reading, dressing, learning all things that he'd forgotten about and was
learning how to run his laptop. Blair always beamed when Jim walked into the
room. But Jim tried to stay back when he did that because he didn't want to
take advantage of Blair in any way.

"Hey, I'm going to go out for dinner with our boss, Chief. So, Megan is
going to come and visit with you. I hope you don't mind."

"No, not at all. I like Megan a lot. So you and she are an item?"

Jim had been taking a drink when Blair asked this and Jim choked on the
liquid. Laughing, he said, "I don't know where you got that from but we're
not an item."

"Oh, sorry." Blair said.

"No problem. Just don't tell her that. She might deck you." Jim said
laughing.

When Conner got there, Jim went downstairs to a waiting Simon for dinner.
They went to one of their favorite places that the two of them had gone to
many times, but hadn't taken Sandburg. They needed somewhere it was safe for
tonight. "So how's it going, Jim?"

"Pretty good, Simon. He's learning really fast. The doctor said he's really
surprised."

"He didn't expect him to get better, did he?"

"No, he didn't even think he'd live, let alone get better."

"I'd like to see him tonight when we go back. Think he's up to it?"

"Yeah, Simon, he's over the shy stage. He's much better about meeting folks.
He visited with Rafe, Brown and Joel yesterday for about two hours."

"And how are you doing, Jim?"

"Well, I'm a little confused right now. I think that Blair might have a
crush on me."

"I must not understand what you're talking about because isn't that what you
wanted?"

"Yeah, but not like this. I'd always feel like he was falling in love with
me just because I work with him every day instead of because he loves me."

"Jim, he's different. You have to start somewhere."

"But I don't know where to start now. What happens if I'm not attracted to
this new Blair?"

"Well, are you finding yourself attracted or not?"

"No." Jim said sadly and hung his head.

"Do you know why? Is it because you're perhaps angry at him for leaving you
like this?"

"NO, Simon. I just feel like he's someone else and I'm not getting the vibes
from him that I used to."

As they continued dinner, they talked about everything. Simon filled Jim in
on all new things going on at the station. He knew that Jim missed his work.
But he also knew that he would never leave Blair's side. Not if he could
help it.

As they drove back to the hospital, Simon parked so that he could go up with
Jim to see the kid. He was looking forward to seeing him. They rode the
elevator up in silence and once they got there they stood outside Blair's
room and listened because anyone could hear him talking to someone.

"Conner, I'm so confused."

"About what, Sandy?"

"First of all, why would you call me Sandy? And does it matter that I don't
like it?"

"I call you Sandy short for Sandburg, and no, I don't care if you like it or
not. You didn't like it before either."

"Wow, something I'm doing the same way. It's a miracle." Blair said very
sarcastically.

"Okay, enough of this. What's up? What are you confused about?"

"All right, I'm confused about what Jim and I had together before. I look at
him watching me sometimes and I see a man in love but not with me. He's in
love with someone that I no longer am."

"Oh Sandy, that's not true. Jim adores you."

"Yeah, I know that he really likes me, but you could ask him and he'd tell
you that he loves me as a friend. I'm having feelings towards him and they
aren't what you have with your friends."

"I'm still listening. Tell me how you feel."

"Geeze, you sound like the shrink, Conner, whom I love by the way."

"That's good. That's half the battle."

"Okay, this is how I feel. I feel like two people. Like me sometimes and
like myself the others and neither of them are Blair. So now my life is me,
myself and Jim."

"Explain that a little better for me, Sandy."

"Well, when I'm me, it's a little hard for me to interact with Jim. For some
reason, Me, finds it hard to deal with the whole concept of being in love
with a man. But when I feel like I'm being myself, I can't stop thinking
about the man and the concept is perfect for me."

"Well, Sandy, it sounds like you have it pretty much figured out. Why not
talk to Jim about it and go from there. Maybe he feels the same way that you
do."

"I can't ask him that. I'd die if he didn't feel the same way."

"Well, I don't think you have a problem with that, Sandy."

"Seriously? I'll ask him then."

Jim stood outside the door with his mouth hanging open and wondered how many
different ways he could kill Conner. * Jesus, now what would he say to Blair?
He would never want to hurt him in any way. But at the same time, he
couldn't see himself being with Blair now. *

Simon pulled Jim down the hall a ways and asked, "So what are you going to do
now, Jim?"

"Good question, Simon. I might start by killing Conner."

"Well, she doesn't know that you've changed your feelings about Sandburg."

"I better get back in there and face the music. I'll talk to you about it
later on tomorrow."

As they walked into the room, Blair beamed that smile over at Jim and Jim
said, "Hey, Chief. Did you get any rest while we were gone or did Conner
keep you up all evening?"

"Yeah, I napped a little earlier. Don't worry so much, Jim. I'll be all
right."

Jim just stared at Blair for a moment before he thought, * how ironic that
the one with the bullet in his head and no memory is telling me not to worry.
It shows you how quickly things can change and alter your life. *

Jim sat on the edge of the bed while Simon talked to Blair and Simon saw
first hand how Jim was avoiding Blair's eyes. Simon could see the hurt and
pain in the kid's eyes. * They really need a lift to the clue bus stop and
then someone needs to make sure they get on, because they can't seem to do it
without help. *

There was a knock on the door and a young man walked in and introduced
himself as Blair's friend Zachary.

Simon piped up and said, "Well, kid I gotta get out of here. You take care.
I'll see you in the next few days."

"Thanks for stopping by, Captain Banks. It was really nice seeing you and
thanks for taking Jim out tonight. He needed to get away."

"Excuse me, I'm still in the room, you two." Jim said with a smile that
didn't quite reach his eyes.

As he left Zachary moved over to the bed and said, "I'm sorry I didn't get
here sooner, Blair. I was on a dig. I didn't even know till I got back.
I'm so sorry."

"Well, it works out all right since I don't have a memory of you, you weren't
really missed." Both men started laughing and talking about the dig. Blair
still seemed interested in school. * He was born to teach and study, * Jim
thought.

So Zachary ended up saying he was going to come and visit Blair daily until
his next dig which was about two months away. Jim found himself pissed off
and didn't even know why. He had no right to be jealous of this man. Jim
didn't want Blair any more. He wasn't Blair. He was someone else and Jim
couldn't deal with that.

Once Zachary left Blair said that he was tired. Jim realized that he wasn't
going to ask him the question that Jim had been dreading it all night long.
Then why was he so upset about it? * Man, Ellison, you're one fucked up
mother fucker. *

Jim said, "Well, I'll see you in the morning, Chief. Sleep well."

"Thanks, Jim. We'll see you then."

Blair turned on his side and was asleep almost instantly. Jim slipped out of
the room and found Megan still there. "Can I borrow the sofa in the suite
over at your hotel, Ellison?"

"Sure, come on. You look beat."

They walked silently back to the hotel and Conner said, "Jim, you're not in
love with this Blair, are you? God, I didn't see it before. You'd have never
left that Blair alone any night, no matter how long it took."

"Well, I'm having a hard time getting my brain wrapped around being in love
with a new person. To Blair, it's different. He doesn't know how we felt
before."

"So, why aren't you telling him? He's in love with you, Jim, and he's
totally confused."

"Well, Conner, I'm not the one who put all of those ideas in his head about
asking me things. AM I?"

"You listened to us talking? That's low even for you, Ellison."

"It doesn't really matter. I don't feel the same way I used to."

"Fine," Megan said as she punched the sofa before she lay down to sleep for
the night.

"The next day, Jim showered and went over to the hospital. He walked into
the room and Blair was practically bouncing in bed. This was the closest to
Blair that he'd seen in ages. "What's up, Chief? Good news?"

"Yes, the doctor says I get to go home tomorrow. Everything's healing really
well and he's happy with my progress."

"I'm glad to hear it, Blair. It'll be nice to have you home again."

"Jim, I was looking through my files in the lap top and I came across the
Sentinel project. Is this about you?"

"We'll discuss that when the time comes, okay? For right now, let's just
concentrate on getting you well."

"Sounds good to me. So you'll be glad to check out of the hotel?"

"Yeah, I miss the loft. It's a nice place; you'll like it. In fact, I made
you a scrapbook so you could study up on the loft before you get to go home.
I guess I should have done it sooner."

"No, this is perfect. I was a little anxious about going home, but now this
will help. Thanks a lot Jim."

"So what time do you get sprung? Let me the know the time and stuff so I can
get the place ready for you."

"Don't go through a lot of trouble, Jim. The Doctor will give me a final
check-up at 6:00. Then I get sprung. Is it okay if Zach comes with us?"

"To live?"

"No, you nut, to have dinner with us. He said he'd just follow me to the
loft. That way he knows where I live so he can come and visit. I really
like him. What do you think of him?"

"Chief, I've never known you to make bad friends. So, I think he'll do just
fine." Inside Jim was seething. He didn't know why, but he was. * Get a
grip Ellison. This isn't fair to Blair. He seems to be interested in that
other guy. *

Jim helped Blair with his physical therapy, his occupational therapy and his
speech therapy. The staff was showing Jim exactly what he would have to do to
get Blair back to his old shape.



At 6:00, the doctor came walking into the room to give Blair his final
check-up. As he checked him over, he looked over at Jim and said, "So,
Detective Ellison, are you going to be able to take proper care of Detective
Sandburg, or do you need some help?"

"I don't need any help. I've always taken care of Blair. Why should anything
be different now?" Jim asked.

"Well, it's a lot of work. Until he's up and around a little more, he's
going to be relying on you totally for most things. And sometimes people
need help when they don't even know it. Will you know when to call me for
help, Detective Ellison?"

"I'll be fine, Doctor. Don't worry about it." Jim said almost sharply.

"Doctor Jennings, I'll also have a friend around too. Zachary offered to
help out at the loft whenever he can. So that will give Jim some time to
himself and he can go back to work too."

Jim just glared at Blair and said, "When did this come about? I've seen him
every time he's been here and I didn't hear him volunteer to do that."

"Well, Jim, I couldn't sleep last night so I called him. And while we were
talking he offered and the way you've been acting, I really didn't think
you'd mind at all."

"Oh really? It's my fucking home, Sandburg." Jim said angrily.

"Detective Ellison," Dr. Jennings said, "this is what we want to avoid. Any
type of conflict should be kept away from Blair."

"Sorry, Chief." Jim said with his head hanging.

"I'm sorry too, Jim. I should have asked first since it's your home and not
mine."

"It's your home too, Chief. Always has been. I was just surprised, that's
all. I'm sorry, Doctor; I'll take good care of him. Don't worry about it."

"Good, I'm glad to hear it, Ellison. Now, Blair, you take care of yourself
and if you have any problems you know how to reach me." Dr. Jennings said.

"Okay, can I leave now?" Blair asked excitedly.

"Well, I would suggest you dress first, Blair." The doctor said.

Even Jim had to laugh at that one. As soon as the doctor walked out of the
room, Jim helped Blair put his clothes on. Every time that Jim helped Blair
dress he felt a sadness fall over him. * He longed for his old Blair. The
one that could make everything better with one look. He never gave Jim those
looks anymore. Although, he couldn't really blame Blair for that. Could he?
No, things might get better as time went on, but for right now, Jim wasn't
comfortable with things. And what was up with that Zachary person. Jim had
never met him before. Did anyone know who he even was? He might be a
nutcase. In fact, Jim made a note to himself to call Simon about running a
check on him. *

Once Blair was dressed and ready to go, they got him in the wheelchair and
left Blair's hospital room for the first time in two months. Blair was so
happy he was bouncing in the wheelchair.

"Chief, calm down. You're going to be exhausted by the time we finally get
home." Jim said smiling.

"I can't help it, Jim. I'm really excited to see our home and to be out of
here. I was getting sick of everyone."

"You, sick of people? I can't believe it!" Jim said trying not to laugh.

"Yeah man, can you believe it? Those people would make a well person ill."
And looking at the nurse pushing his wheelchair, he said, "Sorry, I wasn't
talking about you."

Jim and the nurse started laughing at Blair's embarrassment over all of this.
Jim turned to the nurse and said, "I'll go and get the truck and be right
back."

"Help, Jim! don't leave me alone with her. She might put me out of my
misery." Blair teased as Jim was walking off to collect the truck.

Once he got there he started it up and looked in the rear view mirror. He
saw that he was laughing and smiling. It was the first time in a long time.
This Blair was almost like his Blair. The smile slid off of Jim's face when
he realized that there wasn't a 'his' Blair any more. The very happy mood
left him as quickly as it had come.

He pulled up in front of the entrance, parked and helped Blair get into the
truck. He put Blair's things in the back and said; "Buckle up, Chief" as he
walked to the other side.

Blair was trying to get the seatbelt on and sadly said, "Jim, I seem to have
forgotten how to do this too."

Jim got in and reached over and pulled the belt across him and showed Blair
how it went into the part on the seat. And also showed him how to unbuckle
it in case he would need to undo it if Jim wasn't capable of helping him.
Blair said, "Thanks, Jim. I hate having to learn all of this over again."

"Chief, I'm damn happy that you're here at all. So I, for one, don't mind
helping you learn anything or everything." Jim said smiling.

As Jim started the truck, Blair said, "Jim, wait. I forgot. Zachary's going
to meet us here. He wants to follow us to the loft so he knows where we live.
Do you mind?"

"Well, does he plan on being late? I don't want to sit circling the parking
lot all evening long."



"He should be here any moment now. We're actually about ten minutes early.
Thanks for showing me how to tell time again." Blair said beaming at Jim.

"Are you sure you know of this guy?"

"Well, of course I'm not sure, Jim. I have no memory, remember?" Blair said
laughing.

"Chief, this is no laughing matter. This guy could be a nut job. He might
have heard about this and figured you were an easy mark. So if you don't
mind, I'm going to ask some folks at the University about him."

"That makes sense, Jim. Go ahead, that would make you feel better and then
we can both just relax."

"What would you like to have for dinner tonight, Chief? I'm cooking."

"Really? You cook, too? It seems that you do most of everything."

"Well, I don't cook as much as you do some months. But other months you
didn't let me out of the fucking kitchen."

Blair looked over at him oddly and Jim said, "Sorry, I don't know why I said
that."

"Said what, Jim?"

"I don't want to scare you off with my language. I'd like you to feel
comfortable."

"Jim, I'm sure that I've said the word before. Haven't I?"

"Oh yeah, it's one of your favorites. Especially when you're mad."

"Cool, good to know that. Because I'm sure that I'll be pissed off many
times in the next few months trying to bounce back from this."

Zachary drove up rolled his window down and said, "Hey, Jim, mind if I follow
you home? In fact, why don't we get Blair into my car so we can talk all the
way there?"

"How about we don't and just say we did?" Jim said glaring at Zachary.

"Okay. If you want to drive him, that's fine too. I'll just follow you
then. See you there, Blair."

"See you later, Zachary." Blair called out barely before Jim could get the
window rolled up. Blair couldn't help it, he laughed and said, "You really
don't like this guy, do you?"

"Blair, I find it hard to believe that he's that good of a friend and I've
never met him before."

"Well, that's true. Something to check up on, Jim. What was with that how
about we don't and just say we did?"

"I don't know. It just came out before I thought of anything really good.
Chief, I'm not that good with words that would be your area of expertise."

"Not anymore, man." Blair said hanging his head.

"Chief, don't be so hard on yourself. You're still in there; you just have to
figure it all out. It'll all come back to you."

"Jim, it's not all going to come back to me, man. The doctor's surprised
that I've come this far. But it's not going to get better with you and me.
I won't remember you tomorrow anymore than I do today." Blair said almost
angrily.

"Sorry, Chief. I just don't always believe that they give you enough credit."

"Well, I believe that they're trying to keep me grounded Jim. So what say we
go with me being who I am today?"

"Fine, Chief. I just figured you would fight a little more than you are."

"Jim, let's cut to the chase. That's not what bothers you. What bothers you
is that I don't remember you. You don't see me as me anymore and we were an
item. Do you think I couldn't tell that?"

"Fine! The day you were shot we told each other that we loved each other.
Happy now?"

"Yes, actually, I am. But why can't we start over, Jim? I really like you.
I can tell that you like me."

"Chief, I do like you. You're just a lot different now and I can't seem to
find out how I feel about anyone these days."

"Well, maybe we could just go really slow. Will you think on it?"

"Chief, I've done nothing but think about it since this happened. So yes,
I'll think on it some more. Just be patient, all right?"

"Good. Glad that's settled. Now, what can you cook and when do we eat, I'm
starved?"

"Chief, I think I'll order take-out tonight because we're getting such a late
start. That okay with you?"

"Do I like take out?"

"Yeah, you love take-out, especially from the Thai place. We'll call them
once we're home. In fact, do you want me to call now?"

"You know the number by heart, Jim?"

"It's in the automatic dial of my cell phone."

"Sure, I'm starving. I'll eat whatever you order for me."

Jim picked up the cell phone and while still keeping an eye on the road was
able to put in an order for them. Blair said, "Jim, could you order extra
for Zachary?"

Jim glared at Blair and said, "Fine, but he better not bitch about what I
ordered him."

Jim continued the order and when they got home, Blair looked around oddly.

Jim said, "Something wrong, Chief?"

"Well, I shouldn't bitch about you wanting me to remember things because I
was hoping that when we would pull up, I'd remember something as soon as I
saw where I lived. But nothing's ringing a bell."

"Sorry, Chief."

Jim grabbed Blair's bag and went to get him out of the truck, but Zachary was
already there helping him out of the vehicle. Zachary put his arms around
Blair's waist and said, "Now, take it easy Blair. We'll take this nice and
slow."

Blair looked over at Jim and almost started laughing when he saw the look on
his face. Jim looked like he was going to pull his gun out and shoot the man
for touching Blair. Moving a little bit away from him, Blair said, "Zachary,
thanks, but I told Jim I wanted his help up the stairs."

Jim smiled at the obfuscation. * He might have to give this new Blair a
chance,* he thought to himself.

Jim put his arm around Blair and they moved to the elevator and got in.
Zachary said, "So would you like me to go and pick up some dinner, Blair?"

"No, that's okay. Jim ordered on our way home. Don't worry, he got you
something too, Zachary." Blair said.

"Thanks Jim, you're a prince." Zachary said very sarcastically. Blair didn't
miss it and Jim saw him look at Zachary for the first time a little
strangely. Then Jim heard Blair whisper to himself, "Shit! That guy scares
me a little bit. I'm sure glad I live with Jim." Blair had no idea that Jim
was a sentinel and could hear anything he whispered. Jim smiled and Zachary
just glared at him as if to say, "We'll see who wins."

When they got to the door, Jim took his key out and opened up the door and
they all walked in. He sat Blair on the sofa and got him settled. "Chief,
would you like some water, apple juice or orange juice?"

"Geeze, a man servant. I might've always wanted one of those." Blair said
laughing. Jim smacked him very softly with his jacket as he headed into the
kitchen. Blair called out, "Apple juice sounds good to me, Jim. Thanks."

"No problem, Chief." And as Jim was coming back into the living room, Zachary
said, "No, really, I don't need anything. Thanks for asking."

Blair looked at him and said, "Want some of my juice, Zachary?"

"Yeah, that would be good." Zachary said as he grabbed and took a drink out
of Blair's bottle of juice.

"That's okay, you have that one and I'll get Blair his own. I have a rule in
this loft, no one drinks after anyone else."

"Oh, for Christ's sake, Ellison. Grow up. He's a grown man. He can make
his own decisions. So let him." Zachary said complaining.

"Well, this is fun." Blair said quietly to himself knowing no one would hear
him. But as it was, of course, Jim heard every word and couldn't hold the
laughter in any longer.

"What the hell are you laughing at Ellison?" Zachary asked.

"Blair just made a little joke and it was a damn funny one."

"What are you talking about? I was sitting right here and I didn't hear
anything." He said to Jim.

"Well, I heard him whisper it." Jim added.

"Hey, guys, I'm still in the room. Can we lay off for tonight. I'm kind of
tired. This is getting old really fast. Jim, could you help me change for
into something a little more comfortable?"

"Sure, Chief." Jim said as he got up and helped Blair into his room so they
could put his favorite sweats on and some warm socks and a flannel shirt.
Jim knew that he'd be cold by this time. He was always cold, even in the
summer.

"Jim, how did you hear me in the living room? I didn't even hear it myself."
Blair asked.

"I have excellent hearing, Chief. So if you want something private, you best
tell me not to listen."

"Anything else you need to tell me?"

"No, not right now anyhow. That'll all come later. We'll get to it, Blair."

"Well, I hear the delivery guy coming up the stairs so let's get out there
and I'll get your dinner set up on the coffee table."

"No, let's sit at the kitchen table. It'll feel like I'm really home."

Jim smiled as he helped Blair to the table and then made his way over to the
door and opened it as the delivery guy was getting ready to knock. Blair sat
there with his mouth hanging open and realized that something was going on
here that he really needed to find out about. It was almost spooky. Jim
looked over at him strangely and said, "Chief, you all right?"

Blair just looked away and said, "Fine, nothing's wrong. I'm just hungry." *
Holy shit, this guy can hear my fucking heartbeat from across the room. And
listen to that, he told me I said Fuck off and on, he's fucking right." I
wonder who I could talk to about this? *

Jim had the food in his arms, slamming the door with his foot and came over
to the table and said, "Chief, what happened? What scared you?"

"You, man." Blair answered.

"Oh." Jim said. "We'll talk about it when we're alone, all right?"

As Zachary came over he struck up a conversation with Blair about the dig
he'd been on and they talked for about an hour about it. Blair found it
fascinating learning about this stuff. Finally, after all of the food had
been eaten, Zachary said, "Hey, Jim. Do you mind if I crash on the sofa
tonight? That way I'll be here to help out with Blair first thing in the
morning."

Jim looked over at Blair and Blair just nodded and Jim said, "Fine,
whatever." And he walked up the stairs and got a blanket, some sheets and a
pillow. He threw everything on the sofa and said, "There you go, Zachary.
Sleep well."

He then turned to Blair and said, "Come on, Chief. Let's get you ready for
bed."

"Okay, Jim." Blair got up and Jim helped him into the bathroom so he could
get things taken care of. "Jim, I think I can take a piss without your help."

"Sorry, just call for me when you need help." Jim said leaving the bathroom,
face red.

Blair looked into the mirror and said, "That's just great Sandburg. Why not
treat your friend and roommate like shit the first night home."

Blair took care of his nightly things and called for Jim to help him back
into bed. Jim said, "I'll help you in the shower tomorrow if that's all
right, Chief."

"Yeah that'll be great, Jim. Thanks for being nice to Zachary. I know he's
driving you bonkers."

"It's okay, Chief. Things will work out. Now if you need anything, just
yell. Don't get out of bed by yourself this first night home, okay?"

"Okay, Mom. Oh shit, where is my Mom?"

"Don't panic Blair. She's out of the country and we can't reach her. She
does that a lot. She'll get the messages and see you as soon as she's back
in the US."

"Do you want to know about your Mom?"

"Yeah, that would be nice. You could tell me until I start getting sleepy."

"Lay back, Chief, and relax. I'm going to have you out in a few minutes."

"My Mom is that boring, huh?"

Laughing, Jim said, "Shush and lay back. Now relax."

Jim began telling Blair all about Naomi. How Jim had first met her and what
had happened after that. As Jim was telling the story, Blair looked over at
Jim and saw that Jim loved his Mom too. * Sandburg, this man's one in a
million. You have to reach him somehow and make him fall in love with you. *

Blair leaned back and continued listening to Jim as he told him more and more
about his mother. Jim looked over and saw that Blair was sleeping very
soundly. Jim walked into the living room and Zachary said, "Asleep?"

"Yeah, he was pretty tired."

"Well, if he wakes up, I'll be right here for him, like the other night when
he called me."

"No, you don't have to worry. I'm sleeping in his room." Jim said as he
stormed up the stairs. He took off his clothing, put on his robe and walked
down the stairs to the bathroom. After getting ready he went into Blair's
room and he lay down on the Futon with Blair. There wasn't that much room
but he didn't care. The next thing he knew he was sound asleep.

"Jim, wake up man." Blair whispered.

"Yeah, buddy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong except that I have a large man sleeping in my bed."

"I thought I should be close by in case you woke up. Is something wrong?"
Jim asked starting to sit up and Blair said, "Jim, lie back down. I was all
comfy. Don't leave, okay?"

"Okay, Chief. Go back to sleep. Let me tell you more about your Mom." Jim
said. And then Jim started talking about Naomi again until he heard Blair's
breathing return to the sleeping sound. Then Jim followed soon after him.

When Blair woke up in the morning, he smelled something great. He rolled
over and saw that he was now alone in the bed. It felt cold and empty. He
got up and started for the bathroom and Jim said, "What the hell do you think
you're doing? You're supposed to be letting me help you for at least another
week the doctor said."

"Jim, calm down. I'm doing okay. Actually, that's the first good night's
sleep that I've had in a long time. I've never slept a whole night. Thanks
for sleeping with me. I think it helped."

"You're welcome Chief. You hungry?"

"Starving. Do I have time to take a shower?"

"The doctor said no showers alone until he sees you again. So I'll take one
with you, how's that? Or, if that embarsses you, we can put you in the tub
and give you the hand held attachment for the shower head."

"If you want to take one with me, that's fine."

Zachary came through and said, "I have to take a shower before class, Blair.
Why not let me help you since I'll be in there."

Blair looked at Jim with a total blank expression on his face. Jim didn't
know what the hell to make of it but he didn't think he wanted that man in
the shower with Blair. No matter what.

"Go and take your shower. Blair's going to have some breakfast and then
he'll take a bath." Jim said as he pushed Blair over to the table and made
him sit down. Blair almost laughed. Jim was very cute when jealous. Oh
yeah, he could learn to really fall in love with this man.


Blair and Jim had a nice quiet breakfast while Zachary was in the shower.
When he came out Jim said, "Pull up a chair if you want to eat."

"Thanks, Jim." Zachary said smiling. "So what do you two have planned for
today?"

"Well, if Blair is up to it, I'm using a wheelchair and taking him to an
exhibit that's showing today only." Jim answered.

"Oh man, that sounds cool. What's the exhibit about?"

Jim looked at Blair and realized that he had to think of something really
fast. Blair realized at that same moment that Jim made it up and he said,
"Oh yeah, never mind, I remember you telling me about it."

"So share with me then. I didn't hear of any exhibit." Zachary said.

Jim pulled out the newspaper and threw it in front of Zachary and said,
"There you go, read all about it."

"Wow, I didn't realize that Blair was into nudes." Zachary said
sarcastically.

"Well, he used to be. I don't know if he is now but I guess we'll find out."
Jim said as he went towards the stairs.

"Blair, this guy's the most overbearing person I've ever seen. Please, don't
tell me you're interested in him." Zach pleaded.

"Well, yeah, I'm interested. We were an item. So we need to give each other
time." Blair replied.

"Is that why he slept in your room last night because he wanted to give you
time?" Zachary asked angrily.

They didn't even hear Jim come down the stairs and Jim yanked Zachary back
and said, "Get the hell out of our home and don't come back."

"What's wrong, Ellison? You don't want anyone knowing your fucking little
secrets around here?"

"Get the fuck out of here before I'm forced to punch your lights out, you
asshole. Blair's a good person. I would never take advantage of him." Jim
said.

"Jim, I don't care what the asshole thinks. Get the hell out of here,
Zachary and I agree with Jim. Don't come back."

As Zachary walked out of the loft, Jim locked the door to be sure the ass
didn't come back in. "Chief, I promise you, I didn't sleep with you with
that intention."

"Jim, calm down. I'm not concerned about it. In fact, like I said, it was
the first good night's sleep I've had in two months."

"Good. So, you believe me."

"Yeah, Jim, I believe you. Your virtue is intact." Blair said walking into
his bedroom. Jim thought he almost sounded angry but why would Blair be
angry with him? He hadn't done anything. Or was that the problem. * Okay
Ellison, time to put your thoughts into actions. Maybe you do have a thing
for this Blair. This Blair's sweet. This Blair's still fucking cute. This
Blair has a thing for you. * All these things pointed to something being in
the works.

"Chief, do you want to bathe before we go to the exhibit?"

"No, I really don't feel like going anywhere today, Jim. It's okay."

"Okay. How about I go and pick up some good movies that you liked and you
can tell me if you still like them?"

"Jim, give me a fucking break. I'm not the old Blair. This is just me, or
maybe today I'm myself. Hell, I don't know anymore. But at any rate, I
don't want to do things that you used to do with the old Blair. I'm not him."

"Sorry, Chief."

"You don't have to be sorry for missing your old friend but he's not coming
back Jim."

"I know."

"I'm going to take a shower and I'm doing it alone. You can listen with
those great ears and if I fall then you can come in." Blair said as he walked
into the bathroom.

Jim stared after Blair and said to himself, * Well, Ellison, you did a really
good job of fucking that up. How in the hell did it go from a good night's
sleep to hurting his fucking feelings? You need to take classes from someone.
You've got no tact."*

When Blair came out of the shower he sat down on the sofa next to Jim and
asked, "So, could we discuss this ability of hearing people through doors and
things like that? I have to tell you, that's almost freaky. And I swear if
I didn't know better, last night I thought you could hear my heartbeat."

"I can hear it, Chief. You were doing a study on sentinels and you were
looking for someone with all five senses heightened. And you found him. You
studied from a book called The Sentinel of Paraguay by Sir Richard Burton,
the Explorer; not the actor. It's all in your room; you have a lot of reading
to do if you want to be my partner. You're not just my partner, but you're my
guide. Sometimes, I need backup. You always say I'm the watchman for the
tribe, well, I can't do it without you. You help me concentrate and find my
center so I don't get too focused on one thing and zone."

"Hold on, man, this is too much. You're saying that all of your senses are
heightened? And what in the hell does this have to do with me?"


"You were studying people like me. You were an Anthropologist. Well, you
still are. But because of some things that happened, you left that and came
to be with me all the time."

"I stopped being an Anthropologist to become a cop?"

"Yes, I'll tell you all about it when you feel better."

"I feel fine, please, start filling me in now."

So Jim began something he'd hoped to put off for months. Since he still felt
so fucking guilty it wasn't even funny. He started at the beginning and took
him through everything. He even told him how he had died. How their spirit
animals had met in the light and he'd come back. Blair just sat there with
his mouth open the whole time. He told Blair how many times he had saved his
life, and Blair had saved Jim's even more. When he was done telling him
this, he said, "It's all on the laptop, Chief."

"I can't believe this. So basically, I'm of no use to you now, right?"

"How can you say that? You're always of help to me."

"What can I do now, Jim? I'm not your guide, I'm not your partner and I'm
not your lover."

"Blair, where the hell did that come from? We weren't lovers, I told you
that."

"Yeah, but we were going to be. Don't think I don't see the look of
disappointment on your face each time you look at me."

"Chief, that's so off base it doesn't even deserve any comment. You don't
have a clue as to how much you mean to me. More than anything, you're my best
friend."

"Well, not anymore Jim. I don't know you and you don't know me. This isn't
going to work."

Jim was beginning to get that good old panicked feeling in his stomach when
he realized that Blair would leave him. This was Jim's worst nightmare
coming true. "Chief, you're so wrong. I need you in so many ways. Give us
some time to become friends again. I already like you and you like me I can
tell."

"But, Jim, I like you in ways that you don't like me. I'll stay till I'm well
enough to move and then I'm out of here." Blair said as he walked sadly into
his room.

"Chief, we have to do your physical therapy. Come back out so we can get it
over with. You can't let a day go by without doing it."

"I can do my own, thanks, anyway." Blair said sadly.

Jim didn't know what to do, so he picked up the phone and called Conner and
said, "Can you come over and talk some sense into my partner? He thinks he's
moving because I don't love him."

"You told him you don't love him, Jim?"

"No, of course I didn't. I never said that. He said he could tell."

Did you argue with him? Did you tell him that you're crazy about him?"

Jim didn't say anything right away and Megan said, "Oh fuck, I don't believe
you. You're such an ass Ellison. Chicken shit to the end."

"Conner, I don't care what you think of me, will you come over and talk him
into staying?"

"Jim, can I talk to him on the phone, please?"

"Yeah, I'll give him the phone." Jim said as he walked to the door. "Chief,
Conner's on the phone and wants to talk to you."

Blair took the phone and shut the door on Jim's face. Then he opened it back
up and said, "Don't listen, either."

Jim went and sat down on the sofa and was instantly depressed. * He knew that
Conner wasn't going to help him. He could feel her anger in her voice alone.
What the fuck would he do without his guide and friend? Well, Ellison,
you're the one that thinks he's not your friend anymore. Now it's time to
find out if you can make it alone. *

Blair came walking out of the bedroom and hung the phone in the cradle.
"Conner said next week after the doctor's visit, I can move in with her.
Isn't that great?"

"Oh yeah, Chief, that's fucking great." Jim said as he stormed up the stairs.
Blair watched his retreating ass and smiled. This might work. Conner was
one smart woman. She kept telling him that Jim just needed a little push.

That night after dinner was over, Jim got ready for bed and told Blair
goodnight. Then he went upstairs. Blair wasn't certain but he thought Jim
was probably the saddest looking person he'd ever seen. Well, he had it
coming.

As Blair got ready for bed he heard the soft knock at the bathroom door. He
opened it to a miserable Jim. "Chief, I'm sorry. I didn't ask you if you
needed any help with anything. Do you?"

"No, man, I'm fine. I've got it. Thanks, though." Blair said as he walked
by into his room and shut the door.

Jim climbed the stairs to his room and just lay in bed listening to the sound
of Blair's heartbeat. At least that didn't change. * Ellison, you are so
fucking worried about a change, let me tell you about a change. You're going
to be alone. You'll have no one. And when are you going to stop talking to
yourself?" *

He finally started falling asleep and came to the realization that he was
more alone than he ever cared to be again. Something would have to be done.
That was his last thought as he drifted off to sleep.

Blair had fallen right to sleep and woke up with an odd feeling. He didn't
know what was wrong but something was off. Why was he sleeping in his room?
Why wasn't he sleeping with Jim? And why did he seem to be sore? Then all of
a sudden it came to him...why he was there and what had happened. He rolled
on his side and tried to remain calm. Why was part of his memory coming
back? Why was this happening? The doctor said he was lucky to have woken up
but now he was starting to remember things. Jim opened up Blair's door and
said, "Chief, you awake?"

"Yeah, man, I'm awake. What are you doing up?"

"Chief, I heard your heart pounding like crazy and I thought you were having
a nightmare. But when I got down here I figured out that you weren't
sleeping. So what's wrong?"

"I had a bad dream Jim. That's all. Don't you ever have bad dreams?"

"All the time, Blair. In fact, I had one about an hour ago. It was the
worst one I've ever had. I dreamt that you were leaving me and weren't
coming back. I can't do it alone, Chief. I really can't."

Blair could hear the hitches in Jim's breathing and knew that Jim had been
crying. That was something he never expected. Jim come and lay down with
me. I could use a friend right now."

Jim slid onto the bed and pulled Blair into his arms and held him close. He
pushed Blair's hair off his neck and he began kissing his neck. "Wait a
minute, Jim. I thought you said that you didn't want me that way?"

"I changed my mind." Jim said as he continued kissing him.

"Jim, you don't want me. You just don't want to lose me as your friend and
guide. You're scared to be alone and that's no reason to stay with a person.
You think you need me and you're desperate."

"Oh yeah, do you want to feel desperate, Blair?" Jim asked as he put Blair's
hand on his cock and Blair felt the swollen member. Well, Blair's heart rate
skyrocketed and Jim asked, "Chief, you okay with this?"

"Yeah, Jim, I'm fine. I was just taken off guard, that's all."

Blair went after Jim's lips and before long they were pulling each other's
clothes off. Blair said, "Jim, do you have any supplies upstairs, cuz I have
none down here?"

"I'll be right back, Chief." Jim said as he ran out of the room, naked and up
the stairs to get the condoms and lube. He'd bought some awhile back hoping
that some day he'd get up the nerve. Thank god was all he could think of. As
he flew back down those stairs he tried to calm down or he would come right
off. Just the sight of Blair naked was enough to throw him into overload.

"Chief, I've got everything here. Ever done this before?"

"Nope, but I think I can figure it out. Turn on your side, hot stuff."

Jim didn't even question the fact that Blair was going to do him. Blair was
shocked at this. Jim didn't seem the type to let someone make him be the
bottom. "Jim, how do you feel about being the bottom?"

"Fuck me, I don't care who's where. I just want to get fucked."

"Oh man, you're a slut. This is going to be fun, hot stuff." Blair said
smiling as he coated his finger with lube and inserted it in Jim's ass. Jim
moaned almost immediately. Before long Jim was fucking himself on Blair's
finger and asked for more. Blair pulled it out and slid another finger in.
As he stretched Jim, he also found Jim's prostate and began rubbing it every
time he got his fingers all the way in. Jim was howling for him to hurry and
fuck him. Blair was close and he wasn't even inside of Jim yet. Blair
pulled his fingers out of Jim and Jim moaned and begged for more. Blair
said, "Wait, hot stuff, I need to put one more in there and get you good and
stretched. Then we'll move on. So he continued to stroke Jim's prostate and
Jim said, "Blair, it better be soon. I'm not going to last much longer,
babe."

Blair wiped his fingers off, then slid the condom on, put lube over that and
aligned his cock with Jim's sweet pucker. "You ready, hot stuff?"

"Yeah, I'm ready, already. Fuck me now." Jim begged.

"Oh, how I love living with a slut." Blair said as he slid in a little bit
and then stopped until he could feel Jim loosen around his cock. Every time
Jim loosened up, Blair would move in a little more. After about five minutes
of slow going, he was in all the way and was fucking Jim. * God, I'm fucking
Jim. I can't believe this. I'm fucking Jim. *

Jim was pushing back against Blair so that they were pounding into each
other. It felt so good. Blair said, "Jim, calm down or I'm going to come
right now. We want it to last longer than that, don't we?"

Jim said, "Fuck me hard now, I'm ready, I'm right there." Blair reached
around and started stroking Jim's cock in harmony with him pushing his cock
into the best ass this side of Seattle. He could hear Jim starting to moan
really hard and then Jim yelled out "Blair" and came hard, and pulled Blair
right along with him. Blair screamed out Jim's name. As they lay there
getting their breathing back to normal, Jim said, "I love you, chief."

"I love you too, Jim." Blair said as he reached out for his tee shirt to wipe
them both off with it and they fell asleep together.

When Blair woke up, it was morning and again he was alone in bed. He didn't
like that feeling of waking alone and he planned on telling his partner about
it in a few minutes. Blair smelled the coffee and the breakfast and got out
of bed. He felt pretty good considering that he'd fucked someone really hard
last night. He was really sore, but it was a good sore. He found himself
wondering if Jim looked at it as a good sore. This made Blair smile and he
walked out to the kitchen naked. Jim looked at him and said, "Well, no one
ever said you don't know how to make an entrance, Chief. But Megan is here."

Blair smiled and looked over. Megan was sitting there looking at him smiling
and he ran into the bedroom saying, "Fuck..."

"No, Blair, we did that last night and we can't do it until you do your PT.
Then we'll consider it."


"All right," Blair said coming out of his room with a robe on this time,
"where's my partner and who're you?"

Jim leaned down and kissed him and said, "Good morning, Blair."

Blair kissed him back with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. He wanted
Jim to realize how loved he was. Not just fucked, but loved. Jim pulled
away and said, "I have to make breakfast, Blair. We'll do this later, all
right?"

"Fine." Blair said as he sat down at the table and smiled at Megan.

"Well, Sandy, you look like you had a good time. I'm glad Jim came to his
senses." Megan said laughing.

"Well, I'm sure I'll have to ask about the senses, speaking about that. I've
got to take some notes about this. Not for publication mind you, because I'm
a cop now, but I need to know how Jim did."

"Blair take a breath," Megan said, "you're rambling."

"Chief, what the hell are you talking about?" Jim asked.

"What? What do you mean what am I talking about?" Blair asked.

"Last night, I didn't even get to tell you all about the senses and now
you're talking about me as if you're an anthropologist again. What's up with
that?"

"Promise you won't be mad?" Blair asked him.

"Promise. Now what's up, Chief?"

"My memory's coming back, Jim."

"Sandy, that's wonderful. Do you mean you remember being a cop and all of
that?"

"Yes, Megan, I remember being a cop. I remember being Jim's partner. I
remember the conversation we had the morning before that asshole shot me and
I remember how great it felt last night to fuck Jim." Blair said beaming.
Then he realized what he had just said and said, "Oh god, I'm sorry, Jim."

Blair jumped up and went into the bathroom shutting the door and hoping that
he could shut out that part of his life for a moment. * Sandburg, how could
you embarrass Jim like that? You're such an idiot. *

Jim came walking into the bathroom without a warning knock and said, "All
right, enough! First of all, I'm glad you're back. Secondly, I don't mind
that anyone knows what we did. Megan's okay with it. So stop worrying. And
thirdly, I didn't know last night and I let you fuck me because I was in love
with you. Not just Blair, but you."

"Man, you're such a romantic. I love you so much." Blair said as he moved
into Jim's safe arms. Jim held on to him for dear life.

"Jim, what if it leaves? My memory, I mean." Blair asked.

"Then we'll deal with it when the time comes. Stop worrying. We'll be just
fine."

"God, I love you."

"I love you, Chief."

"Now, I guess I should call that doctor and tell him what's going on, you
think?" Blair asked

Jim smiled and said, "It can wait till after breakfast. Now come on out and
keep Megan company while I finish it up."

As Blair sat at the table, Megan reached across the table and kissed his
cheek and said, "Sandy, I'm so glad you're back. I wonder when they'll let
you come back to work. God, do we miss you."

"What? Conner, you don't miss me?" Jim asked smiling.

"As a matter of fact, we even miss you. Shows you how desperate we've
become, Sandy."

After breakfast was over, Blair called his doctor and he was told to come in.
Blair got off the phone and said, "We have to go and see him in an hour.
He's really glad that it worked out but he sounded funny."

"Well, we'll see what he has to say when we get there, Chief." Jim said.

"Guys, thanks for breakfast." Conner said, "call as soon as you're back from
the doctor."

"Sure thing, Megan." Blair said walking her to the front door.

Once she left, Jim said, "Chief, want to save some water and take a shower
together?"

"Jim, if we get in there we won't be saving water or time. I need your ass
again but we don't have time right now. Can we wait till we get home?"

"Chief, I said a shower. That's all. You can have my ass all you want once
we get back. In fact, I insist."

They got into the shower and helped each other get cleaned off and both left
with a large problem. Blair said, "That's the last time I shower with you
before we have to go somewhere in a hurry."

They both got dressed and went to the doctor's office at the hospital. They
told Jim to sit in the waiting room while Blair had some tests done. Dr.
Jennings called Jim into his office and said, "Well, this is certainly
shocking, isn't it?"

"Yeah, we didn't figure we'd have this chance again." Jim said smiling.

"Well, Jim don't get your hopes up because it could be a very short lived
thing."

"Then we'll handle it when the time comes."

"As long as you both know. I'll tell Blair when he gets back here." Jennings
said.

"Fine, but don't make it sound like it's the end of the world. I fell in
love with him even without being Blair. I didn't know about it till this
morning.

"Sit tight, Jim. I'm going to go and see how the tests are coming." Jennings
said as he walked out of his office.

As he watched the CAT scan he was smiling. Then he went back up to the
office. He waited for Blair to join them and once he did he said, "Well, I
have some good news. Blair the bullet has moved down to the lower part of
the brain. We can get to it easily. We can leave it in there but it might
be better to take it out."

"Jim, what do you think?" Blair asked.

"Blair, I think it's something you have to decide on yourself." Jim said.

"Blair, if you decide on the surgery we need to get you in a bed and keep you
quiet while we set this up. That way the bullet won't move and damage
anything."

"You know what Doctor, I think I'll leave it in there."

"Mr. Sandburg, this might not be a good idea." Dr. Jennings said.

"Well, then it's my mistake, isn't it? I just figure that if it were meant
to come out, I wouldn't have gotten my memory back. So I think it was all
for a reason. I'm okay with it being in there to remind me."

"Will you have a test done every six months to be sure that everything's
okay?" Dr. Jennings asked.

"I'll agree to once a year. If something isn't right, then I'll know it and
I'll be the first one here."

"Jim, let's go home. We have some things to take care of." Blair said as he
stood to leave.

"Mr. Ellison, maybe you should talk some sense into your partner. This might
be dangerous for any rigorous movement. And in your line of work, that might
be hard to stay away from."

"Are you going to release him for work?" Jim asked.

"Yes, in about four weeks if all is still going well. I'm just giving you
the option of taking care of something that might be a problem later."

"No, I agree with Blair on this one. We'll see you next month for his
release papers. Thanks for everything, Doc." Jim said as he left the office.


"Doc, don't worry so much. Everything will be fine." Blair said leaving the
office too.

Doctor Jennings smiled as they left and thought to himself, * I sure hope so.
No one deserves it more. He's come a long way. *

On the way home, Blair talked almost non-stop and Jim asked, "Do you remember
telling Conner about how you felt about not knowing who you were anymore,
while you were in the hospital?"

"Sure, I remember. Why?"

"Because you said you didn't know who you were at the time. Something about
me, myself and Jim."

"Yeah?"

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that I don't do threesomes."

"Glad to hear it, hot stuff."

Jim raced home with a big smile on his face. He had no doubt that they'd be
all right. And Blair would be fine. Life is as it should be. Perfect. Just
like Blair.

He once was blind but now he sees.

The end.