Love Letters Series
The Fight
Monday Morning:
Dear Jim:
I don't know where to begin. First of all, please forgive me for what I
did to you. I was not thinking. I wanted to make you sorry for the things
you said to me, in anger. But instead you have moved out of my life totally.
You don't look at me, you don't talk to me, I am lost without you. Nothing
happened with that guy. I promise you that. I know that you smelled things
on me, but that is all. Just a smell. No action on anyone's part. I don't
know if that makes a difference, but I just wanted you to notice I was there.
It seems to have backfired on me. For being a smart man, I seldom use smarts
when it comes to you. I love you, Jim. More than life itself. Please talk
to me, yell at me, just do something. I know you want me to leave, but I am
not doing it. I won't leave you. And you are not leaving me. Simple as
that. I will never do anything that immature again. You can count on that.
Please think about this today and talk to me tonight. I am begging, I can't
live without you.
Forever yours,
Blair
Monday Afternoon:
Blair,
You think that because I was mad at you and yelled, that you should be
able to go out with a man and rub bodies with him? I don't think so. You
have no idea what that did to me. I could smell not only that man on you,
but I smelled you, on you. He did something for you and this I can't live
with. Blair you told me that we were forever, that you would be only with
me. What happened to that? And why didn't we talk first? Why feel the need
to show me how you can attract attention by someone else. Believe me, I know
this already. I watch people watching you all the time. They would love
their chance with you. I was always proud of the way you didn't notice and
seemed only for me. What a fool I have been. I don't want to talk to you
Blair. I don't want to look at you because I will lose all control. And no,
I won't hit you, I mean I will lose control of my feelings and probably do
something stupid like cry. I hate crying, it is not me. But yet, here I am,
on the verge of tears for the last day. I think it would be best if we
separated for a while. I don't mean you have to leave the loft. But I can't
share my bed with you. I am sorry.
Jim
Monday Night:
You stupid fucking asshole,
Where the hell do you get off ignoring me, avoiding me and then writing a
note to me telling me we are through? God, you are such a dickhead
sometimes. I hate that about you. God forbid that we actually have a sane
discussion. Oh yeah, that would take two sane folks, and there being only
one here, I guess you couldn't come. Fuck you, Ellison. I don't need you.
I don't want you. So there. I thought I did, but I have thought it over and
realized what a mistake I am making here. I will be moving out as soon as I
find a place. I will continue being your partner because after all that is
my job. I can't just go to Simon and say, can I have a new Partner? I will
see you everyday, but only as a partner, not as a friend or lover. Piss on
you, not even as a real partner. A real partner would never do what you are
doing. You fucking asshole. I hate you. And don't ever call me chief or
Blair again.
Sandburg
Tuesday Morning:
Sandburg,
Fuck you. I am not the one that went on the prowl looking for something
better. You are. So shut the fuck up about this whole thing. I didn't ask
you to move out either. Just to your old room. But you had to go and make it
my fault, oh I am so surprised. You do this all the time. You make the
mistake and blame it on me. Fuck you to hell. You don't need me, eh? Well,
good because I don't want you anymore either.
Jim
Tuesday Afternoon:
Jim,
I can hear you crying, I haven't read your note to me yet. But I can
hear those tears that you say you don't want to shed. My heart is breaking.
I am soooooo sorry, Jim. I love you. I don't hate you. You know that. I
just don't know what to do. And the smell you smelled on me that night was
for you. That is why I came home. That person didn't do a thing for me. I
think I might have went for it, but guess what? I couldn't. I adore you.
You mean the world to me. So I take back the Fucking Asshole remark. Okay, I
am the fucking asshole. I am so sad. I can't sleep, I can't eat and all I
know is that I need you back. I understand if you don't agree. But I will
have to move because it will break my heart to be around you like this. I am
so sorry, babe. I can't make it up to you, but wish I could. Please don't
cry Jim. It is breaking me in two. I know I deserve all of this, but what I
want is you to yell and hold me. Think about it, okay?
Love, Blair
Tuesday Night:
Babe,
I am upstairs waiting for you. I am going to give you your wish. I am
going to yell, then I am going to scream, followed by me crying. I can't
stand being apart from you. I know that you love me, Blair. I have always
known. I was very angry. Just words, they can be taken back, can't they? I
know it was partly my fault. And I do intend on working on that. I promise
that to you right now. And the next time we have a fight, no more lies, no
more trying to hurt the other one. But the letters seemed to have done a
decent job. So, okay, I can live with the letters. I love you, Blair and
hurry up and read this and get your sweet ass up in our bed. Things will be
fine, don't worry. After all this letter writing, I am very horny. I want to
fuck you so badly.
I am forever yours.
Jim
|
